Scientists on the verge of making sense

Funny story written by Flexicon

Monday, 28 November 2011

Scientists at Harvard Medical School are beginning to unravel the mystery of making sense. In a ground-breaking project headed by Professor Edith Nash, a wide cross-section of people was tested for evidence of sense, or lack thereof.

"By understanding how and when sense manifests itself in the human brain, we hope to be able to replicate it," says Professor Nash.

It's an ambitious undertaking. To date, no scientist has ever succeeded in making sense.

More than 5,000 people took part in the ten-year study, which involved documenting their adherence to the following practices:

- Keeping an umbrella in the car

- Applying sunscreen daily, even on cloudy days

- Having a consistent place for keys

- Never skipping breakfast

- Grocery shopping with a list

- Taking medication as directed and seeing a doctor if pain persists

- Flossing

Scientists then analysed the data and made some startling findings.

It appears sense doesn't begin to develop in both men and women until well into the third decade, possibly in response to procreation. Teenagers exhibited the lowest levels overall, with a total lack of sense demonstrated in the 15-18 year old age group. Sense appears to peak around the age of 65, after which it steadily declines.

Professor Nash is excited about the findings. "This study is significant. I predict a time in the near future when scientists all over the world will be making sense. Not only that, but by developing techniques such as boxing of ears and incessant nagging, it is likely we will be able to instill sense in children as young as six. We're not there yet, but the early signs are encouraging. Just last night my teenage daughter went out clubbing, and at the last moment she decided to take a cardigan."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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