Written by queen mudder

Sunday, 18 September 2011

image for Bread from crop circle wheat fields 'sending people mental' - report
The triple nipple crop circle drove an estimated 5,000 Wiltshire residents nutz

London - An explosion of scare-in-the-community numbers is being blamed on alien-tampered wheat that's infiltrated the national food chain.

"You've only got to look at some Wiltshire residents' faces to see those Darwinian throwback genes surfacing," a Government study warned today.

The report confirms widespread fears of alien mind control as a bumper harvest of contaminated field produce hits supermarket shelves.

Shoppers' symptoms are particularly rife in Southern England counties which hosted nearly 80% of the year's crop circles - including the world-famous ganja pipe-smoking PMT alien near Stonehenge.

This week a new study of underground rivulets flowing beneath some of the most publicised geometric field etchings found a link to outbreaks of acne after a rash of doctors' surgeries reported strange zit formations emerging.

"Crop circle-shaped boil infestations are sprouting up on patients' lower extremities," a Devizes GP commented today.

"The itching can get so bad that people are ending up having a fit - especially when they get the Private Consultation bill in the post on account of the NHS refusing to believe it's a treatable problem."

Quite...

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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