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Funny story: Churchill Downs channels Mammorial Weekend breast-shaped crop circle

Churchill Downs channels Mammorial Weekend breast-shaped crop circle

Louisville, Kentucky - An enormous pair of alien bazookas has appeared on the mile-long oval track straddling Louisville racecourse. And it appears to be lactating Martian Milkshake judging by the nipple secretions spouting close to the five furlo...

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Funny story: Crop circle circumcises Cerne Abbas Giant's dick

Crop circle circumcises Cerne Abbas Giant's dick

Cerne Abbas, Dorset - A crop circle has been blamed for emasculating the huge erect penis of a 180ft ancient Neolithic colossus known as the Cerne Abbas Dick. Uh, Giant. Carved into a Dorset chalk hillock over 10,000 years ago the club-wielding f...

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Funny story: Crop Circle In Iowa Cornfield Resembles Miley Cyrus

Crop Circle In Iowa Cornfield Resembles Miley Cyrus

INDIANOLA, Iowa - Local authorities have reported that overnight a crop circle appeared in Iowa corn farmer Dilbert Nutwood's corn field. The highly elaborate figure covered an entire acre and resembled Miley Cyrus in the act of twerking. Farme...

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Funny story: SIM card-themed crop circle channels ET Call Home plea

SIM card-themed crop circle channels ET Call Home plea

Chualar, California - It's looking increasingly likely that someone, probably ET, forgot to call their Mom and Pop over the Yuletide holidays after a huge SIM card-themed crop circle appeared at a Chualar Canyon Road farm field in the Salinas Valley...

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Funny story: Queen snubs July 4 festivities as Statue of Liberty crop circle sprouts on Palace lawn

Queen snubs July 4 festivities as Statue of Liberty crop circle sprouts on Palace lawn

Scotland - An Independence Day crop circle of Lady Liberty has popped up overnight on Holyrood Palace lawns where the Queen is holed up during her annual Scottish Week stay. Flunkies nearly busted a gut raking over the 250ft turf etching that's sp...

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Funny story: Crop circle of dead MI6 cryptographer holdall sprouts suddenly at Alton Barnes Common

Crop circle of dead MI6 cryptographer holdall sprouts suddenly at Alton Barnes Common

London - "These snooping claims are utterly baseless," the UK's top Spookmaster General said today as news of the field etching's materialization broke. "We don't need to outsource snooping on British Tea Party taxpayers to some sort of hush-hush,...

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Funny story: Churchill Downs crop circle predicts Kentucky Derby 1-2-3

Churchill Downs crop circle predicts Kentucky Derby 1-2-3

Louisville, KY - One of the year's first extraterrestrial field etchings has appeared overnight at the world famous racetrack's saddling enclosure ahead of Saturday's 139th renewal of the Kentucky Derby. Groundsmen said this morning they'd noticed...

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Funny story: St Osyth lion spotted near Deadlane Grove crop circle: reports

St Osyth lion spotted near Deadlane Grove crop circle: reports

Essex - Primordial feline navigation techniques that harness the power of ancient lay lions - er...ley lines! - may be behind the latest St Osyth big cat sighting. Lunchtime TV news reports said the marauding beast had been spotted in an Essex cr...

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Funny story: Games logo cops swoop on Olympic Rings crop circle

Games logo cops swoop on Olympic Rings crop circle

Wiltshire - Olympic copyright protection authority jobsworths swooped on an Alton Barnes wheat field this morning amid reports of blatant cashing in on the Games logo. An alien crop circle depicting the Olympic Rings had sprung up overnight 'in co...

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Funny story: Scientology temple trumps 'Westminster Abbey' crop circle theory

Scientology temple trumps 'Westminster Abbey' crop circle theory

Stanton St Bernard, Wiltshire - Five teardrop pendants 'dangling like chandelier crystals' from a pentagonally-spired design are a classic Scientology temple symbol an expert said today. "They represent Katie Holmes' tears during her five year mar...

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Funny story: Captain Janeway's USS Voyager-themed crop circle wows Alton Barnes

Captain Janeway's USS Voyager-themed crop circle wows Alton Barnes

Wilts - Straddling the wheat near an ancient White Horse chalk carving its 350ft 'contrail' of circular disks snakes the local Delta Quadrant that is Alton Barnes rapeseed fields. This morning's materialization of the Intrepid-class starship is th...

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Funny story: 'Mayan Calendar' crop circle or Aztec Roulette Wheel?

'Mayan Calendar' crop circle or Aztec Roulette Wheel?

London - Ufologists fighting for a share of the lucrative Gemini Solar Eclipse prediction market centered on Sunday night's occultation are having none of it, of course. They're siding with Mexican cereologist Jamie Maussan's claims that the 2004...

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Funny story: Skull 'N' Bones crop circle sprouts on Rebekah Brooks' lawn

Skull 'N' Bones crop circle sprouts on Rebekah Brooks' lawn

Chipping Norton - The symbol of Yale University's darkest arts and crafts society has reared its shadowy face outside Rebekah Brooks' Oxfordshire mansion. The cultish secret club has served as foreign conflict tool for President George Bush Senior...

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Funny story: Rebecca Brooks expecting 'alien' surrogate baby

Rebecca Brooks expecting 'alien' surrogate baby

London - The flame haired media hasbeen and her husband Charlie are to become parents in February after hiring a surrogate to gestate the sprog. Reports today said the embryo had been implanted in a secret fertility facility close to the Wiltshire...

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Funny story: Bread from crop circle wheat fields 'sending people mental' - report

Bread from crop circle wheat fields 'sending people mental' - report

London - An explosion of scare-in-the-community numbers is being blamed on alien-tampered wheat that's infiltrated the national food chain. "You've only got to look at some Wiltshire residents' faces to see those Darwinian throwback genes surfac...

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Funny story: OMG! The crop circle's just swallowed our camper van!!

OMG! The crop circle's just swallowed our camper van!!

Wiltshire - "It was like a Guatemalan sink hole had suddenly gorged itself on our lovely 1966 Airstream Overlander International," distraught US sightseer Joyce Hooley told reporters today. "One minute it was right there where we'd parked it and t...

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Funny story: St Swithin's Day crop circle appears at Stonehenge

St Swithin's Day crop circle appears at Stonehenge

Wiltshire - As the crumbling Murdoch Empire teeters on collapse a 200ft barley field etching opposite Stonehenge warns of more disaster on Friday's full moon. The magnificent Capricorn lunation appears on the latest crop circle, thought by many t...

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