The best version:
Long ago, an old satanist named Geppetto was caught shoplifting in his village. He was sent to a dungeon where he was tortured without mercy. His hands and head were put in a Pillory and afterwards fire ants were placed on them while he screamed.
At his home in the woods, he prayed to Satan to give him a boy that he could use to commit crimes for him. Satan appeared to him in a vision and told him to visit a graveyard for executed convict's and to cut down a tree. Satan further instructed him to chop off a six foot log from the fallen tree and to take it to his workshop. He then was suppose to carve a wooden boy out of the log, so that Satan's demon, Beelzebub, could live in the puppet.
Geppetto carved a puppet in the shape of a boy and named him Pinocchio. He wished the boy to be alive. Satan heard his words and fulfilled his wish. He added life to the puppet. He then told Geppetto to burn the puppet down to ash on a satanic alter a year later on Christmas day, to prevent a curse from falling on Geppetto.
Pinocchio was quite naughty and rarely spoke the truth.
Geppetto then invented a devilish scheme to rob villiagers of all their possessions by putting Pinocchio in a gift box and leaving him at people's front doors. Villagers gave Pinocchio to their children, as a toy. The next morning they woke up to find their valuables and food missing with the lifeless looking puppet nowhere to be found.
With thousands of homes being robbed, people refused to accept the wood puppet, believing it was bad luck. Geppetto had no choice, but to change his method of theft.
Pinocchio always promised his school teacher to be a good boy, but he soon forgot his word and left the school with his friends to steal things from local store's and then pick pocket unaware villagers. He would bring Geppetto everything he stole. Geppetto's bank account grew to five million pounds.
Geppetto would often sell the lifeless looking puppet to lonely men to keep them company. The next morning the men would wake up to find all the money in their wallets missing with no sign of the puppet anywhere.
On a dreadful Friday, the local church in the village was set on fire and a woman reported seeing a small person dressed in a black hooded cloak running out of the burning church carrying a small chest full of money. He yelled the words, "Hail Satan!" She heard the sound of wooden shoes as the small person ran away.
A Dutch migget who owns the only pair of wood shoes in the village was arrested the next day and he was tortured in the local dungeon while he declared his innocence in anguish. His hands were crushed in a vise and his feet were burned with red hot coals.
One day, Geppetto heard about a sunken ship, off shore, named the "Santa Maria." It carried a large treasure when it went down. He immediately went to find Pinocchio telling him to bring the treasure.
As Pinocchio swam upward to a waiting boat, carrying a bag full of gold coins, a large whale swallowed him and left into the deep sea taking the puppet forever.
A year later, Geppetto had a horrible nightmare where he frolicked on the grass with Pinocchio and as both of them laughed he sat on the puppet's face and said, "Don't be greedy Pinocchio, please tell me a lie!"
Upon waking from the terrifying nightmare, Satan appeared to Geppetto telling him it was Christmas day. He asked him to burn the puppet in a fire, so his demon can return home to hell. Geppetto told Satan that Pinocchio got lost at sea. Satan got angry and put a curse on Geppetto, telling him that if daylight were to ever touch him, he would become a sleeping wood puppet. To break the curse, Pinocchio would have to return, so the demonic puppet could be burned alive in a fire while experiencing pleasure.
Geppetto spent ten years being careful not to be out during the day. He would leave at night to steal vegetables, chickens, and eggs from local farmers.
One day Geppetto went out at night and he found a bottle of moonshine liquor in a farmer's barn. He drank the moonshine and stole a bag of potatoes. On his way back home he felt tired and drunk and he laid down to rest a bit.
When he woke, he could see a grayish blue color in the sky and he knew morning was coming. He ran home as quickly as possible, but the sunshine fell on him and he dropped to the floor, as a wood puppet.
A woodcutter looking for firewood noticed the man sized puppet on the ground. He searched the pocket's of the puppet and found a bag of gold coins. He then decided to take Geppetto home to use him as firewood in his chimney, to keep his house warm
The End
