For centuries, a mystery has plagued mankind unlike any other mystery. The mystery of 'How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?'
And now, we may have an answer!
Intrepid scientist, Chuck Chockley, a specialist in the science of wood, chose this profession because, while on his way to church as a child, he checked out a woodchuck chucking wood, and wondered how much wood the woodchuck could chuck.
His chaplain, Chester Chankett, chose not to answer such a question at his chapel, nor would his cheerful chum, the Chief of Police, Chet Chandler, or his next door neighbor, Chandra the chambermaid, so Chuck Chockley was on his own.
Chuck, a former chess champion from Charleston, who liked cheese on his Cheetos, but not chutney on his chicken, found his niche in this new and challenging chapter of his life, a life that involved the investigation of how much wood a woodchuck could chuck, if it so chose to do so.
Accompanied by his brother, Chico, but not his other brother, Chauncey, a cheapskate who chose to stay home and play checkers, Chuck traveled by chartered bus to China, then back to Chelsea, hoping a lot of chicks would be interested in learning of their woodchuck chucking experiment.
Then Chuck and Chico chased down some woodchucks in Chelsea, where, nearby, a crowd of chanting onlookers and children from Charleston and Cheshire mingled with others from Chubbuck and Chatham, cheering on the cheeky Chockley brothers. They would soon discover how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood that would be chucked by a woodchuck chucking the wood that a woodchuck chucked to...
Anyways, the answer to this challenging riddle was revealed by Chuck and Chico (minus Chauncey) as a chihuahua chased a rapid chipmunk that entered the forest in Chelsea, where the Chockley brothers observed a woodchuck chucking wood.
However, the answers were chomped to bits by the now-rabid chihuahua, that charged the Chockley brothers and forced them to run away from their adoring crowd and the answers that Humanity had awaited for centuries.
And so, the chill woodchuck shall chuck wood, perhaps counting how much wood his woodchuck chompers have chucked, but never sharing the answer with Mankind.