English Country Life: How Much Do You Know?

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 25 February 2021

image for English Country Life: How Much Do You Know?
The English countryside earlier

Everybody loves traditional English country life!

The vast, green open spaces, and rolling hills and dales; dry-stone walls hemming-in flocks of sheep, and herds of mooing cattle chewing on the cud, windmills, water-wheels, sauntering streams and babbling brooks, and wonderful quirky English villages that are hidden away, just waiting to be discovered by unsuspecting motorists or cyclists, on a trip through the countryside, and where the weary travellers can take a break, put their tired feet up, and enjoy some cold refreshment at the local inn, while they get their breath back!

But just how good is your knowledge of English country life?

TheSpoof.com has put together this short test to test your awareness, and find out how much you know. Let's get started!

1. Which one of these French-sounding English countryside places is actually real?

A. Ashby-de-la-Zouch
B. Frogville
C. Snailsworth
D. Onionchester

2. Which one of these 'Exclamation Mark' villages is real?

A. Westward Ho!
B. Stand Up!
C. Doomeyafavour!
D. Gedardamarpub!!

3. Which one of these fellatio-themed places is real?

A. Cockermouth
B. Cocksmouth
C. Coxsmouth
D. Cockinmouth

4. Which one of these depraved-sounding English countryside places is genuine?

A. Wetwang
B. Wetwant
C. Wetwand
D. Wetwank

5. Which one of these obscurely-named countryside taverns is one where you could buy two pints of lager and a packet of crisps, please?

A. The Fox and Firkin
B. The Pitchfork and Cowpat
C. The Milkmaid's Oomlaaters
D. The Shit ont' Shovel

There! That didn't hurt, did it? Now, if you answered 'A' to all five questions, feel free to roam the countryside, explore traditional English villages and homesteads, and converse with the locals, even though they might be a bit strange.

If you answered anything else, however, perhaps you ought to stay at home, preferably in your bedroom, and try to learn a bit about the great English countryside.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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