Recipe For A Genuine, Basic Anti-virus Punch (To hopefully give Mr. Mean COVID-19 a one/two punch!)

Funny story written by rfreed

Saturday, 18 April 2020

image for Recipe For A Genuine, Basic Anti-virus Punch (To hopefully give Mr. Mean COVID-19 a one/two punch!)

Note to Editor- this is actually a very serious article that I have thrown a few jokes into to make it palatable to a humor audience. But I feel the information therein is vital to our times.


NOTE- These are actual, real recipes that logically should work against the Virus.

RECIPE FOR A GENUINE, BASIC ANTI-VIRUS PUNCH (To hopefully give Mr. Mean COVID-19 a one/two punch!)

NOTE- This recipe should only be used as a preventative if you do not have COVID-19 already.

The herbs, juices and fruits contained in this drink have been used for ages against many types of flus, colds and viruses. Maybe, just maybe, it will work against this new plague we have at the moment. (This statement is actually quite serious, as are the two recipes provided.)

Mix ½ gallon non-sweetened fruit juice (and not the junky version with only 10% concentrate and 90% sugar!) with tea made from a half gallon of the following:

1 teaspoon dried elderberries or 1 teaspoon fresh elderberries (Fresh elderberries MUST be cooked, otherwise they can make you ill. They are for prevention. And the term 'elderberries' doesn't mean it is just for old fogies!)
½ teaspoon thyme (for the lungs). And I don't mean tick-tock time either!
½ teaspoon echinacea or olive leaf herb (for the immune system.)
½ teaspoon rosehips (I bet you didn't know roses had hips! Now you do.)
½ teaspoon ginger
½ teaspoon REAL cinnamon (Yes, there really is such a thing as 'fake' cinnamon. They use a similar spice.)
½ squeezed lemon or lime
2 tea bags Red Zinger tea (Celestial Seasonings - if available. Contains licorice and wild cherry bark for the lungs, and rosehips for more vitamin C.)

Best served hot.

NOTE: For a very simple tea, get a box of Kroger elderberry teabags and one of Kroger Immune Support tea bags, and use one of each per large cup. They both have additional beneficial herbs in them to make a very good tea that should be beneficial and preventative against the coronavirus. (no, NOT Walmart or K-Mart- KROGER!!! Quit being so cheap!)


ALTERNATIVE RECIPE IF YOU ALREADY HAVE COVID-19

Don't use echinacea or elderberry anymore, as they might turn the immune system against the body at this point.

Mix ½ gallon non-sweetened fruit juice, preferably with 100% concentration, with tea made from a half gallon of the following:

½ teaspoon astralagus root (no, not asparagus! Astralagus!!!!) (protects immune system good for flu-like illnesses.)
½ teaspoon anise (for anti-virus and taste) (go ahead, make an anus joke, I dare you!)
½ teaspoon olive leaf, slippery elm, turmeric, white oak bark or 1 teaspoon aloe vera (for anti-viral properties.) If you want to know why it is called 'slippery' elm, mix up a gallon with water and spread it on the smooth kitchen floor, then count how many casualties you get.
½ teaspoon rosehips
½ teaspoon ginger (and I don't mean a red-haired person!)
½ teaspoon thyme (for lungs)
½ teaspoon REAL cinnamon
½ squeezed lemon or lime
2 tea bags Red Zinger tea (Celestial Seasonings- if available. Contains licorice and wild cherry bark for the lungs, and rosehips for more vitamin C.) (Don't try using 'tame' cherry bark- it just won't work!)

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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