In another one of our very rare interviews with Mr Ray Ving, a 78-year-old from Mithering on the Trent, we ask him what he has been thinking about lately. Here, for your delectation, are his thoughts:
It is one of those mysteries that is only to known to the select few, but why is the Christmas edition of the Radio Times so expensive?
Why are there so many adverts for holidays stapled inside the page of Christmas day? Why should anyone really care why Miranda Hart and her 'so-called show' changed the face of comedy? (It didn't, it is just marketing hyperbole. There is a bloke in the pub who falls down more much convincingly)
Anyway, it is quite thick and is not really any good to anyone after the first week in January (a bit like that ill-advised fling you had with Darren in accounts last year).
If you can tell us why it is so expensive, and why it has been a tradition to highlight the things that you want to watch, even though for an easy life, it will be the soaps turned up to full volume so that Aunty Ethel is happy, for a while, and repeats of In The Night Garden to keep the toddlers happy, you will win nothing but my underwhelming admiration.
I believe that there is a new film coming out today, and it will be hitting the picture houses of your nearest town any day now, where blokes in their forties and older will be arguing about for years, and how this film has ruined their childhood memories.
Honestly, I read TS Elliot in my youth as well, but James Corden will not spoil the book or the musical for me. He has already spoilt enough things.
I expect you thought I was talking about that new Star Wars film, weren't you? I wasn't, and I never will.
Anyway, where was I? Would you like a cup of tea and a nice bourbon biscuit? I know that I would.