Ode To Chutney-on-the-Fritz

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 23 November 2019

image for Ode To Chutney-on-the-Fritz
It's always a bit on the nippy side

There's been some rather negative press recently, surrounding one of TheSpoof.com's most popular locations, the pretty little town of Chutney-on-the-Fritz. Certain things have been said, others have been hinted at, and others remain, as yet, unthought of, but, in defence of the town and its inhabitants, I'd like to share with readers a poem I found whilst searching through my loft for my Spirograph the other week.

I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed finding it!

Here it is, unabridged:

Ode To Chutney-on-the-Fritz

Does, indeed, exist!
And if you think it doesn't
You must be jolly pissed

For certain, it exists!
And so does its one bar-room
Full of grumpy, sad old gits!

Absolutely, it exists!
The teachers are all drunkards
And the students all have nits

Source of fashionable mitts
Pick some up on Black Friday!
Put them on your shopping lists!

I was there during the Blitz
I had some dodgy jellied eels
And woke up with the shits

An 'album' full of hits
'Life is a Minestrone'
And 'Putting on the Ritz'

My head is quite in bits!
Chutney doctors, help me please!
I'm scared out of my wits

The girls, they all have zits
Fat and ugly; all of them
They get right on my tits!

Twinned with Ausch-witz
A bit on the desolate side, perhaps
But lovely with some chips

I promise you, exists!
And, for all those above reasons
It's the fuck-en pits

Woods 2019

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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