There's been some rather negative press recently, surrounding one of TheSpoof.com's most popular locations, the pretty little town of Chutney-on-the-Fritz. Certain things have been said, others have been hinted at, and others remain, as yet, unthought of, but, in defence of the town and its inhabitants, I'd like to share with readers a poem I found whilst searching through my loft for my Spirograph the other week.
I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed finding it!
Here it is, unabridged:
Ode To Chutney-on-the-Fritz
Chutney-on-the-Fritz
Does, indeed, exist!
And if you think it doesn't
You must be jolly pissed
Chutney-on-the-Fritz
For certain, it exists!
And so does its one bar-room
Full of grumpy, sad old gits!
Chutney-on-the-Fritz
Absolutely, it exists!
The teachers are all drunkards
And the students all have nits
Chutney-on-the-Fritz
Source of fashionable mitts
Pick some up on Black Friday!
Put them on your shopping lists!
Chutney-on-the-Fritz
I was there during the Blitz
I had some dodgy jellied eels
And woke up with the shits
Chutney-on-the-Fritz
An 'album' full of hits
'Life is a Minestrone'
And 'Putting on the Ritz'
Chutney-on-the-Fritz
My head is quite in bits!
Chutney doctors, help me please!
I'm scared out of my wits
Chutney-on-the-Fritz
The girls, they all have zits
Fat and ugly; all of them
They get right on my tits!
Chutney-on-the-Fritz
Twinned with Ausch-witz
A bit on the desolate side, perhaps
But lovely with some chips
Chutney-on-the-Fritz
I promise you, exists!
And, for all those above reasons
It's the fuck-en pits
Woods 2019
