Children's Storytime: Jamal's Adventure In Turkey

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 25 November 2018

image for Children's Storytime: Jamal's Adventure In Turkey
Jamal waiting for his papers

Hello, children! It's time for another story! Are you ready? If you are, I'll begin.

There was once a man called Jamal, who lived in a country where there was a lot of sand. It was very hot in that country, and the misters wore big, long, flowing white robes which helped them to keep cool. Jamal didn't like the oppressive heat very much, so he came to live in America, where you live.

He was very happy in America. He got a job working for a newspaper, writing all the words that you can read on the pages. He liked to write things about the hot country with a lot of sand, where he was born. Some of the people in the hot, sandy country didn't like this. They said he was making trouble. They said he was an agitant.

Sometimes, he wrote things about that country that made the king angry. The king asked his noblemen:

"Why does he write these things? Why does this subversive bastard Jamal do this? Does he want to die?"

Jamal didn't want to die. He wanted things to get better for all the people in the hot, sandy country, where the king controlled everything, and all the other people had to do as they were told, or else!

What Jamal did want to do, was get married to his beautiful, princess girlfriend, and have lots of children, and live happily ever after. To do this, he needed some papers signing by officials from the hot, sandy country. He was in luck! There was an office nearby where he could get these papers, and then everything would be fine.

Or would it?

Jamal went to the office to 'get his papers signed', but had sudden concerns about his safety. He walked up and down outside for twenty minutes whilst he and his girlfriend came up with a plan that would see him avenged, if, by chance, he happened to be murdered inside. Then he went to 'get his papers signed'.

What happened next may never be known, and it certainly isn't the kind of thing we would want children to read about. But, so that we may continue our tale, let us just say that he was murdered to death in a most disagreeable manner, that it was painful, frightening, and slow.

The people responsible for this unkind act were a group of ruffians sent to the office by the Crown Prince of the hot, sandy country. He was a bad man. He was also very powerful, and nobody dared to speak against him, because, if they did, he cut their heads off. Can you imagine that, children?

After Jamal was killed, the group of ruffians had to get rid of him, so that nobody would find out what they had done. Alas! Jamal's girlfriend was still outside, and she had heard everything on her telephone which was connected to Jamal's special watch, as he was having the life strangled out of him. She told the police, and the police were angry. They told the rest of the world. The idiot Crown Prince's plan had failed. What an amateur!

The police asked the Crown Prince lots of questions, but he had a nose longer than Pinnochio's, and he gave new meaning to the word 'liar'. The Prince told so many, many lies, and every time the police showed him that they knew he was lying, he changed his story, and told different lies! He really was a champion liar!

Some of you cleverer children may be wondering how those ruffians didn't get caught, because you think the police would have found Jamal's dead body in the office where he was killed, but it was like this:

When the ruffians killed Jamal, they cut him into smaller pieces. Then, they put these smaller pieces into a special potion which made all of the skin come off his bones. After that, the pieces of Jamal were so small, that you would have needed a microscope to see them.

Then, there were just the bones to deal with. They put the bones in bags and backpacks, and took them away. They put some in a forest, some in the river, some at a garbage dump, and gave some to wild dogs, who licked at them with relish.

Jamal would not have liked this, because he didn't like dogs.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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