Newsnight Revelations

Funny story written by Backandtotheleft

Wednesday, 31 October 2018

Hey!

The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

The champion of Austerity and the killer of many poor Brits, George Osborne (our eyes bleed every time that arsehole’s name is typed), has said:

“I’m happy to look at some of the mistakes I made during the “remain” campaign."

Which we at Back and to the Left news think is just fucking wonderful. Wonderful that George's wealth insulates him from any real repercussions of his actions, and he can just look at what misery they’ve caused to others. He can just look and say “whoops”, because, in reality, these people suffering don’t matter to George, because most of them aren’t actively engaged in cleaning out his septic tank. We must stress, we mean his actual septic tank, and not his poison-filled mind.

George was the Chancellor when David “I fucked a pig's head, and I fucked the country” Cameron’s government decided to hold a referendum on the EU. They, of course, hoped the people who they’d lied to, and who blamed immigrants for everything, would be too lazy to get out and vote against these immigrants. Like his chances of achieving an erection without watching a baby suffocate, this was slim.

Once Brexit was confirmed, Cameron ran away, while George clung like fecal matter to the side of Theresa May’s cheek, until he was eventually scraped away. He was, of course, rewarded with an editorial job at a fucking London newspaper, because, when you’re an unworthy piece of cancer-causing bilge water (read ex-Tory minister) there’s always somebody willing to pick you back up.

George admitted, on Newsnight last night, that he regretted not fixing the banking system sooner after the 2008 crash. But then again, why would he? Loads of his mates made a fucktone of money, while a load of poor people got fucked. Why would he fix the system? Why would he care? Well, he clearly doesn’t, as he’s on Newsnight giving pitiful excuses as to why he failed. If he cared, he would have hung himself from Big Ben and donated all his fucking money to a battered women’s refuge.

George, you and your ilk are the worst kind of humanity. You, George, are the Father of Food Banks.

That’s your legacy. Apologize for that. You cunt.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics



Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Subscribe…
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more