How Snoke got his silly name REVEALED (possible SPOILERS)

Written by Cleopatra Chaos

Monday, 17 June 2019

image for How Snoke got his silly name REVEALED (possible SPOILERS)
Turns out the Death Star was just George Lucas mooning at his audience

Everyone agrees that the stupidest thing about the new Star Wars movies is the name of the arch nemesis. Snoke. I mean, what kind of baddie gets given a dumb name like that outside the land of the muppets?

Turns out, however, that there's a REASON; there's a clue as to his identity in his name.

Snoke is a bit like "smoke". You just change the "n" to an "m". Smoking is, of course, a form of tobacco abuse. Many cigarettes and other smokey-things are filled with tobacco. And where does tobacco come from? The West Indies. Europeans colonized that part of the world a few hundred years ago, kidnapping lots of innocent Africans, enslaving them and taking them to the West Indies, where they had to make packets of fags for free. Unless you call not getting your butt kicked every now and then a fair wage.

I see you're a little sceptical, but wait, it'll all be clear in a moment. Remember that god-awful prequel to the Star Wars films, the Phantom Menace, and that terrible character Jar-Jar Binks? Remember how all the people of his species talked like Caribbeans? That was criticised by many as part of the racist undertones in that movie. Do you think it's just a coincidence that you have a character whose very name connotes the product which the people on whom Jar-Jar Binks was based had to produce? Well, maybe it is a coincidence or maybe there's something in it.

So, now we know there's a connection between Jar-Jar Binks and Snoke. True, we don't know exactly what the connection is. I mean, it doesn't mean they are one and the same. Or does it?

Even if Snoke isn't Jar-Jar Binks, and granted, there's got to be a 50% chance of that (I mean, he either "is" or he "isn't", right?), Snoke could be the progeny of a wrathful Binks, angry that he didn't get a part in the new trilogy. You could just see Binks take his spaceship to Coruscant, decimate the population of that planet with his absurd voice and walking style, then take a female prisoner and hump her like there was no tomorrow. Nine months later, and you have a baby Snoke. He's angry with his dad, angry with the Jedi who treated Binks with respect rather than chucking him into a waste disposal chute, which is what he deserved, and most of all, angry with the Skywalker family, who befriended Binks.

See how it all falls into place?

If you agree with me, feel free to share this "theory" on the net. If you don't, shut up, I don't want to know you.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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