"Trumpmas:" A Top Ten List

Funny story written by Zachary Jack

Wednesday, 21 December 2016

image for "Trumpmas:" A Top Ten List
Is it Trump, the Anti-Claus, or Santy, the Claus? You be the judge

"Trumpmas": A Top Ten List

What say we get the superficial similarities between the season's two hottest execs out of the way first, shall we? Both are known to be large, pale, white, hairy men with yuuuuuge waistlines and a habit of jetting around the world doing deals.

Here then is a Top Ten accounting of the "bright contrasts" between this holiday season's two big-shot CEOs:

1) Trump, the Anti-Claus plays naughty; Santy the Claus plays nice.

2) Trump, the Anti-Claus has been photographed for the cover of Playboy; Santy the Claus does photo shoots with needy children.

3) Trump, the Anti-Claus currently lacks a presidential dog or comfort animal; Santy the Claus feeds and waters nine reindeer.

4) Trump, the Anti-Claus winters at Mar-a-lago; Santy the Claus winters at the North Pole.

5) Trump, the Anti-Claus favors protectionist tariffs; Santy the Claus favors free movement of gifts and goods.

6) Trump, the Anti-Claus is known for his trademark frown; Santy the Claus is known for his trademark smile.

7) Trump, the Anti-Claus may have employed illegal immigrants; Santy the Claus employs elf workers (union shop?)

8) Trump, the Anti-Claus builds walls; Santy the Claus builds bridges.

9), Trump, the Anti-Claus is vilified; Santy the Claus is canonized.

10) Trump, the Anti-Claus answers trolls via Twitter; Santy the Claus answers tots by mail.

Say what you will about these two super-sized cultural icons, but one thing is for certain this holiday season: both men are willing to stay up scandalously late to get the job done.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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