The Case Against Recreation - Part 16: Card Games

Funny story written by Dick Sheerer

Friday, 31 July 2015


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Beware: Cards


There are many types of card games, most of which are designed to pit the players against each other in order to cultivate a hostile antagonistic society, with all the problems that entails. Card games were contrived by the ruling class to control the proletariat, simple-minded, illiterate peasants who were easily manipulated by such tricks that appealed to their base instincts. Everything about it is sleazy including the terminology. Cards are not mixed they are shuffled.

Cards are not given they are dealt. Shuffling and dealing. That's why a House Of Cards is a metaphor to express an unstable situation about to collapse. The standard deck of cards consists of 52 cards with different numbers and symbols representing their respective values. A Stacked Deck is a term that refers to cards piled in a prearranged order to gives an unfair advantage to a designated player known as a cheater. Giving a player their cards is called, "dealing a hand".

Each card is given a special meaning, for example a Ace of Spades represents the highest value, but it's also known as the Death Card, so it could symbolize an urban gang kingpin killed in a drive-by shooting. The Queen of Hearts may symbolize a transsexual nymphomaniac. And the most obvious card is the Joker which symbolizes how the game makes a fool of players. Card playing is a bad habit that starts at an early age with idiotic games like Go Fish, Crazy Eights, Hearts, and Rummy.

Poker on the other hand is more complex, and some players take it to a level of extreme sophistication using psychological strategies and slight-of-hand tactics to outsmart their opponents. This is the quintessential game of devious deception disguised as an innocent entertainment activity. But it's a con game with conniving card sharks that bluff and bet just to beat or cheat you out of your money.

The objective is for each player to build a winning hand from cards they are randomly dealt. The final hands have meaningful names like a Full House, a Straight, and a Royal Flush, which secretly means that the ruling class flushes the working class poker player and his money down the drain.

Poker is easy to play and favorite of both newbies who are unaware of the risk, and slick hustlers who take advantage of their naiveté and strip money from them. In fact when poker was invented the name was first called Strip Poker, and it was quite literally an overnight sensation because at that time men dominated the card room and used the game as a trap to exploit women, thus the name Poker -- or Poke Her.

In their plight for equality pre-suffrage era women took every opportunity to beat men at their own game, and since there was no money at stake women took the bate. The original rules involved the removal of one piece of clothing each time a player lost a hand. As the game progressed losing players continue to strip until totally nude. After that, if they want to continue playing they must perform a different sex act each time they lost a hand, starting with foreplay, then oral sex, then vaginal, and so on.

When losers ran out of normal sexual acts to pay the winners with, they were forced to perform more kinky, deviant, sick, and perverted acts. As decades passed the early adapters of Strip Poker eventually renamed the game " Old Maid", and changed the rules to match the advancing state of the libido -- or lack thereof.

Another popular card game is Black Jack. Black Jack is the game of choice played by neophytes, or pros that are too drunk to play a thinking man's game like poker. Unlike poker, Black Jack is a simple straightforward way to lose money without suffering the humiliation of being outsmarted by a table full of shifty-eyed professional poker players.

The history of this game was started by segregationists to appease the burgeoning power of slaves who demanded a place at the Strip Poker card table. White racists secretly conspired to invent this special game just for them. The rules were simple: when the black players lost, masturbation was prohibited; and if they won, they were permitted to ejaculate to their heart's content. Incidentally, the black card icon known as the Spade is a symbolic racial slur.

Solitaire is another card game that involves players playing with themselves.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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