The Case Against Technology- Part 8: Motor Vehicles

Funny story written by Dick Sheerer

Wednesday, 22 July 2015


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Motor Vehicles

Automobiles- The term automobile was coined as a marketing spin to imply that this was a self-powered vehicle that provided automatic mobility. The name designation had a two-fold function: The first car companies faced a difficult challenge trying to get horse & buggy drivers to upgrade to the newfangled motorized vehicle, and needed to change public perception about the benefits of the car and the hassles of the horse.

Consumers were rightfully skeptical of this new contraption and the maintenance of its mechanized machinery. Marketers eventually managed to sway public opinion in favor of the car by insinuating that the production of horse excrement indicated that buggy drivers had deviant scatological fixations.

No mention was made of their deeper bestiality complex because car makers exploited that disorder to seal their fate and finalize the transition to the car by giving many car models animal names, such as Mustang, Bronco, Thunderbird, Falcon, Stingray, etc. Another deceitful reason for using the term automobile was to distract consumer thinking away from the fact that there was nothing auto about the automobile. It requires continual maintenance and constant refueling at great expense.

Motorcycles- This two-wheeled motorized bicycle was just another ill-conceived idea meant ostensibly to provide an efficient means of transportation, but had the unintended consequences of being an efficient means of killing people who ride it. Psychologists suspect that the continued popularity unmasks the true motivation of the users; the resemblance of the motorcycle to a horse in regard to the manner in which the rider mounts the machine and straddles it between his legs while the loud motor roars with turbulent vibration.

This is indicative of some strange pseudo-sexual malady compounded by suicidal fixations. Motorcycle riders, or Bikers as they are affectionately called, are a gnarly bunch of barbarian rebels without a cause-except to raise hell. Despite a reputation as an evil thug, the stereotypical biker is an incurable romantic who loves to pick up women and take them to a secluded spot then rape them.

Notwithstanding their macho image bikers have a secret weakness; they are basically lost and lonely sniveling cowards. That's why they travel in packs like wild wolves on the prowl for problems to cause. The hard-core motorcycle gang members ride specially customized bikes called choppers.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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