Introducing the New Science Magazine - "EXPERTZ"

Written by Auntie Matter

Monday, 20 July 2015


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An Expert

Science Magazine EXPERTZ that deals with what they call the science of living is an advanced magazine for the thinking middle-class man.

Using all the best scientific evidence it collates its findings in a series of weekly articles designed to enlighten the average upwardly mobile individual on how to get the most how of his/her life.

This week it launches a new series of "How To" articles that are sure to get a great following. Experts will give a series of cogently argued and learned instructions on ...

(1) The best way to sneeze.
(2) The best way to breathe.
(3) The best way to piss.
(4) The best way to vomit.
(5) The best way to have sex.
(6) The best way to sleep.
(7) The best way to have a shit.
(8) The best way to give up all hope in God and put all your faith in science and money.

"Expertz" leads with philosophical essays culled from the great and mighty. Next week's topic... "Why We Should All Screw Ourselves to Death With or Without Drugs" will be discussed on video with contributions from Pamela Anderson and Hugh Hefner and extensive quotations from William Burroughs, Henry Miller, the Marquis de Sade, Aleister Crowley and other 'benefactors' of Mankind.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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