A Christmas Selection Of 10 Badass Popes

Funny story written by Auntie Jean

Friday, 26 December 2014

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Use Papal Water For Good Nipple Care

Pope Stephen VI: had his predecessor Formosus,
exhumed, tried, de-fingered, and thrown to the river. and his death by strangling.

2 The Pope who sold the papacy.
Benedict IX was Pope from 1032 to 1044, again in 1045, and finally from 1047 to 1048, the only man to have served as Pope for three discontinuous periods, and one of the most controversial Popes of all time. Benedict gave up his papacy for the first time in exchange for a large sum of money in 1044.

Pope Sergius III: ordered the murder of another pope and started the "pornocracy" which was an age with women in power: Theodora, whom Liutprand characterized as a "shameless whore... [who] exercised power on the Roman citizenry like a man" and her daughter Marozia, the mother of Pope John XI (931-935) and reputed to be the mistress of Sergius III.

Pope John XII: raped female pilgrims and invoked pagan gods.

Pope Leo X: sold indulgences, killed cardinals, known to have said to his brother Giuliano: "Since God has given us the papacy, let us enjoy it."

Pope Alexander VI: nepotism, orgies and the rise of the Borgia family. He had an affinity for throwing large parties, bordering on orgies, that usually culminated with little naked boys jumping out of large cakes.

Pope Innocent IV: introduced torture on the Inquisition

Pope Urban VI: complained he did not hear enough screaming when his Cardinals were tortured

Pope John XV: split the church's finances among his relatives,

Clement VII was Pope from 1523 to 1534. A member of the powerful Medici family, Clement VII possessed great political and diplomatic skills - but he lacked the understanding of the age necessary to cope with the political and religious changes he faced. His relationship with Emperor Charles V was so bad that, in May 1527, Charles invaded Italy and sacked Rome..

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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