Twitter Punishes The Blind

Funny story written by Backandtotheleft

Sunday, 9 November 2014


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Ben Affleck?

We at Back and to the Left news have decided to do what most news outlets do and take anything any celebrity says at 100% face value. So when Ben Affleck mounted the pavement with his Ford Transit van and started bellowing that "Twitter punishes the blind" we thought we'd better get his viewpoint. Unfortunately we had to go to the county jail he was been held in to conduct the interview. The first part of the interview has been omitted due to it containing only shouted insults from Mr Affleck to us. This is because we did spend one summer heroically trolling him on any type of social media we could lay our hands on. So we'll pick up the interview about forty-five minutes in:

....and that's why you ran down twenty people?

It's Twitter man, Twitttttttter, it's evil. So very evil and it punishes you just for being blind!

OK. Why does it do that?

Well for example last week, "Ben Afflecks torso" was trending on Twitter. Do you know what a "trend" is?

The last trend we knew about was Furbies, are they still a thing?

You really are clueless aren't you? When something is trending on Twitter it means that millions of people are sending billions of Tweets every second about a subject.

The subject being your torso?

Godammit yes! My intimately and perfectly formed man flesh was the only thing anyone on that wretched sight was talking about.

We fail to see your point

Of course you do, you're a fucking imbecile. Who is lucky that I'm not on the other side of these bars.

We admit that we did find it odd that we were on the right side of the bars for once.

What we meant it-

Shut the fuck up I'm Batman! What I'm saying is that while my torso was trending on Twitter blind people couldn't know about it. They were left in the dark about the importance of my torso, do you get me now?

No. but it doesn't matter we can make enough out of your ramblings to constitute a interview and get our paycheck (slice of pizza) this week.

When I get out of here I'm going to murder you on the street in front of as many witnesses as I possibly can.

You are a lot nicer in your other interviews.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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