Stranger Than Truth: Global Warming Forever

Funny story written by Frank Michaels

Friday, 30 May 2014

image for Stranger Than Truth: Global Warming Forever
Cars once had built-in ventilation.

The Stranger Than Truth crew recently went south to cover what may be the biggest story of the century...

In the small community of Holegrunt, North Carolina, a storm is rising to both clear the air and make sweating a national pastime once again. It stands upon foundations that existed for decades and perfectly suits the desires of those indoctrinated to the theory Global Warming.

"Summer heat is what America has always been about." says Harvey Jankins, curator of the National Research Council of Air Conditioning and Sweat. Harvey has been busy now since 1996, preparing his small town to be the center of attention once the Climate Change agenda is finally in full swing.

"The stuff we use to make our cars cool, is absolutely damaging to our atmosphere. So is everything from the smoke from your cook-out to the crap you exhale after every toss in bed with your old lady! This has to stop!"

The concept is based on the long history of US four-wheeling that once saw cars with what were then called, 'wing vents' to assure a proper air flow during the hottest summer months. However, with the advent of car air-cooling, those vents disappeared and today, if one's A/C doesn't work, driving is... in Harvey's words, "Just pure hell. You can bet your mamma's busted ceiling fan it is just that!"

So, what is the answer to chemicals that produce cold air but when leaked into the atmosphere, cause politicians to roll over kicking and screaming? Jankins responds, "You just outlaw air conditioning all-together. You ban A-C from cars, from homes, from stores, from theaters, from churches and even from City Hall and the White House!"

The National Research Council of Air Conditioning and Sweat plans to submit a petition to President Obama to force him sign one of his infamous Imperial Decrees that finally and forever bans any form of air conditioning in the nation.

Harvey adds, "This will force Detroit and Tokyo and Seoul and Berlin to cease sending us cars without them daggum wing vents and make us learn how to sweat proper-like again! From there, nobody will be fat because we'll all be pouring it out of our armpits and crotches from April through October! Yessiree!"

Stay tuned... and be sure to keep a sweat rag nearby.


The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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