Digester's Reader: The Blue Plate Special

Written by Frank Michaels

Monday, 24 February 2014

image for Digester's Reader: The Blue Plate Special
Egg,Doughnut,Burger and Creamed Corn Blue Plate Special

Recently, machines that resemble printers have become available that can cut and print to create all sorts of craft-novelty, from greeting cards to guns. But... hold on to your appetites! Intel and HP, in cooperation with several large national food producers as well as Sharpe and Hotpoint, are about to introduce the 21st century automatic dinner by way of, 'The Blue Plate Special'!

The Blue Plate Special (BPS) will be able to be pre-loaded with various meats and dairy products, as well as vegetables and condiments to create unique dishes in a matter of minutes. Spokesperson Lindsey Haygood, describes the product:

"The Blue Plate Special is really quite special. For those with long-hour jobs or with just no idea whatsoever how to even boil a pot of water, this wonderful machine will do it all for you simply and easily. Just load it with whatever you have at hand and the BPS will scan the items for the best possible dish and then within 30 minutes, turn it out by the plateful!"

To test this new wonder, Digester's Reader loaded a BPS with a pound of burger, a can of creamed corn, two raw eggs and a half-a-dozen glazed yeast doughnuts from the morning before. From there, we set the machine to select its own choice of dishes and let it go on its merry way!

(Jeopardy theme music with clock ticking in background)

It took a little longer than we expected as the BPS spent almost 12 whole minutes scanning the various foodstuffs it had to work with. But it was soon at work... with various instruments cutting and separating the contents and then using the built-in microwave for cooking.

While we waited for the final result, our chief technical expert, Nancy Brace, suggested that we each take some antacid medications as well as a teaspoon of a liquid often used by hospitals to reduce the capability of tastebuds.

Suddenly, there was a 'DING' from the next room and we all went in to load our plates and while courage was a rare commodity, we did each take a bite.

Here's the result per our photographer, Johnny Kerr -
"It was absolutely wonderful! The egg shells blended well with the burger and leftover doughnuts to create a pinkish, semi-meaty substance that was beautifully smothered in a very sweet and creamy corn stucco-like topping."

On a side-note, Johnny choked on one of his bites and ended up at the local hospital BUT... he says not to blame the food. It was his fault to begin with.

The Blue Plate Special will be available on Amazon by the Christmas Shopping Season 2014 for about $399.
All those wishing to purchase will be required to show proof of health insurance and those on Obamacare will receive their BPS by special delivery!


The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more