Don't Ever Say the @*#*!-Word to Me Again

Funny story written by Olive Pepper

Wednesday, 11 December 2013

image for Don't Ever Say the @*#*!-Word to Me Again
You can't hurt me now

I understand that two people will fight, especially when they've been together as long as we have. But to take such a low road by using the @*#*!-word is just too much. How can you not remember that the last time you said @*#*! to me, I left you for more than a week? All I can take away from your use of that word this time is you want me to leave you. Is that it? Because if it is, you should just say so, rather than resort to the lowest of the lows by using that word.

Now, if you really want to get at me, but don't want to go so far as to use the verboten word, then why don't you just use the %&*!!-word instead? That way, you get a major dig into me but don't go so far as to say the @*#*!-word. To me, even %&*!! Is a horrible word, and I pesonally would never say it to anyone, not even to you, but it's still better than @*#*!. For that matter, even *#@!* would be better than @*#*!. Why don't you use *#@!*? It's got the requisite sting to it; it's nasty; it's cruel. But it's not horrific, like *#@!*.

Given all of these other words you could have used, I really have to wonder what your intentions were in using the one word you knew would send me over the edge. If I let myself think about it, I can only conclude that you really, really wanted to hurt me. Well, you know what? I'm not going to let you have that power over me. Only if I hand that power over to you can your use of the word @*#*! hurt me, and I've just decided here and now that that's a power I'm not going to give you. In fact, I'm going to embrace the word, take ownership of it, and drain it of its venom.

So, use @*#*! on me, but, as you'll see, it's just a word to me now, sounds that travel from your lips to my ears, perfectly harmless, like the sound of a spoon tinkling against a bowl, or a bowl being set down on a counter, or being broken, broken against your head, or your head being flushed down the toilet, or the toliet being uprooted from the floor and dropped on your head, or your head being squeezed into the toaster and the sides of your face toasted a golden brown, or your head, stuck in the toaster, being shoved in the toilet, and then the toilet being uprooted and thrown out the window, and the house being detonated, burying you in rubble and leaving you for dead until the dogs come and eat your remains and you're no longer a memory.

So, go ahead and use the word. As you can see, it has no power to hurt me in the least. In fact, I dare you to use the word.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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