The New "Facebook Filter"

Funny story written by tfly33

Tuesday, 27 August 2013

Facebook is finally doing something right.

In the past several months, Facebook has fallen behind many other social media sites including Twitter, Instagram,and Vine. In response, Facebook is rumored to be unleashing a new "Does Anyone Care Filter?"

Here's how it works. After you post a status, it will be reviewed at Facebook Headquarters where it will be determined if anyone really cares what you have to say. If so, it will be seamlessly inserted in the newsfeed. If not, it will be assigned to the new "No One Cares" section.

The obvious question on people minds is how will it be determined weather or not a status is cared about. There are going to be subcategories to help determine this. Here are some examples

The Teenage Girl

"If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best."
"I can't believe I trusted him."
"Like honestly, I can't even right now."
"Ughhhhhh, so done with everything!!!!"

The Overly Proud Parent

"So my little Timmy had his 1st basketball game today and scored 6 points and had 2 rebounds. Everyone was amazed and he is essentially a lock for the NBA, I just hope he doesn't end up on some crappy team undeserving of his talents!!!"

"I just want to tell everyone Sally had her dance recital today and did amazing of course. She definitely has what it takes to go to Broadway and be the next big star!!"
*uploaded video of Sally dancing very mediocre and showing little promise*

The Political "Expert"

"So racist of Republicans to try to shut down Obamacare just because he is black. Don't they care about education. It's an education bill, isn't it???"

"Can't believe they let this Muslim be our President. And he was born in Kenya!! His policies are terrible!!!!"
(has no clue of any of his policies)

The Complainer

"So our flight to Mexico and our 3 week vacation is now delayed 20 minutes?!?!?! Why can't anything good happen to me!?!?"
Uploaded via iPhone

"Been waiting 30 minutes for my Surf and Turf!! I refuse to comeback to this restaurant!!"

Definitely a step forward for Facebook. Twitter, Instagram and Vine are all expected to respond rather soon.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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