Latest Bilderberg Conference Under Way

Funny story written by Auntie Matter

Saturday, 1 December 2012


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Satan Addresses the Bilderberg

The latest Bilderberg conference is under way at its orignal location is Coventry's Masonic Hall London.

Attending as usual are the world's most powerful individuals including the Murdochs, the Clintons, the Blairs and Browns, Peter Mandelson, industrial magnates and armaments manufacturers from around the globe. Satan, looking younger than his thirty-four years and devilishly attractive as a young Christopher Walken gave the address.

With the birth of You-Know-Who around the corner which we have successfully and not without much effort turned into a Bacchanalian feast second-to none (laughter) in honour of myself (more laughter) it seems that this is the best time for my latest address.

2012 was a good year and you all did very well. We have inched closer to a nuclear holocaust in the Middle East that will remove all possible obstacles to our permanent seizure of all oil assets in those countries.

We have furthered the New World Order by bringing the bigger nations and their leaders under our control and the governments all the countries of Europe. On the mind front however we dither.

We moved mores and culture away from the simple male-female categories enjoyed by the race for so long to more lucrative versions and made gender-bender and deviancies of all kind fashionable and most desirable.

The porn industry is booming. All experience is good was our war cry from the start and still is, and I am delighted to say the catch phrase = "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" (laughter) was universally adopted by all and sundry. Ah, the power of simple repetition! Me and my friend Josef Goebbels would laugh into the night about that. Happy days!

Youth are more confused than ever in consequence about their identity sexual and otherwise and this has been a great boon to the pharmaceutical companies we run. More anxiety, more confusion, more insecurity, alienation, mental illness, sickness in general are great for profits. Indeed ALL of our profits depend on it!

More suicides among the young make for more fear-driven parents and of course more malleable youth and a more docile work force in general.

We have also succeeded in making murder a sport thanks to our men in Hollywood and our controllers in the broadcast companies.

It was good we let the cat out of the bag about our loyal servant Jimmy Savile at the BBC incidentally, once he was dead of course (laughter) so now we can convince everybody we have cleaned up our act (more laughter) and of course the Leveson inquiry (pauses to blow his nose) will do the same for the media in general as well as enabling us to get a strangle hold on what they believe is 'freedom of speech" (more laughter) that of course belongs to us exclusively.

We are 'good' for another century at least, if you will excuse the pun. We must now begin work on annexing the social internet outlets in the same fashion.

More scandals may be required there. More politicians crying on television of how they have been pilloried unfairly on Facebook or whatever; that sort of thing... and of course their children. Can we not get one or two of their kids to commit suicide? Preferably by hanging? Can we not get a few more pop stars to hang themselves on stage or something and make it trendy? Teenage suicide MUST be made trendy if we are to make progress.

I mentioned this last time we met and there has been no forward move as yet. On the subject of mental confusion, so dear to all our hearts,(laughter) I have to say I liked the "post-modernism" idea as so few really understood what it was supposed to mean (riotous laughter) and we need more of that. Sexual confusion is okay as far as it goes but spiritual confusion is more effective by far. That is why we need to attack the mind at source. Remember our slogan "Accept the Concept"? We need to act on that.

We need our learned theologians to prove that Jesus was AC/DC for instance and that he was screwing Mary Magdalene and a few others. Orgies among the apostles were commonplace etc,etc. A psychological inquiry should also have no problem proving that he was sexually molested by his real dad and that was the reason Joseph became the surrogate under Jewish law.

I want every novitiate nun, priest, monk and altar boy, every nurse, doctor and do-gooder to believe they was molested when they were young and cannot remember it. Preferably by their parents. Put it about that Mary was the village hooker which is the real reason they fled to Egypt. Invent some evidence! It will be a very useful theory to have out there working for us. Confuse! More confusion equals more money.

Drug abuse and self-destructive behaviour are still not made attractive enough for the young. I thought we had it sorted with our party policy concerning pop music but we observe that the Rolling Stones are getting too old for the job. We need fresh blood in the music business ready, willing and able to trash all spiritual aspirations of the race and life in general. And to stick to the script we write for them!

The very last thing we want or need are young people getting high self-esteem or beginning to value life which inevitably leads to spiritual aspirations. I do not want to see shameless portrayals of emotions such as grief and so-called love in the movies. Get rid of all that!

I used to be a fan of James Bond until some idiot got the notion that to give him emotions would be a good thing. Admittedly, we got a bigger slice of the female market but he is now a travesty of what I wanted him to be... a cold-hearted, chauvinistic, psychopathic killer and champion of all forms of nationalism without which we cannot have decent wars.

What is so difficult about this? It's not good enough! As I say, we need more intellectual confusion on all fronts. We need more "post-this-and-that". Post-modernism was good.... while it lasted (laughter). What's that?.. "post-aestheticism"? Thank you Mister Mandelson, like it. "Post-constructivism, post-socialism, post-formalism, post-pragmatism, post-deism... wonderful.... post-fundamentalism.... post-Satanism (laughter) these are all good but the more impenetrable they are they better for our purposes. Post-dialecticism perhaps? I leave it with you. To your good health, ladies and gentlemen.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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