Nick Clegg Apologises...Again

Funny story written by Backandtotheleft

Thursday, 25 October 2012

The Liberal Democrats have finally come up with a tactic that might see them claw some of their respectability back.

Most likely it will just reinforce people's opinions of them (being spineless, EU kissing, wankers) but it might not.

Following the success of Nick Clegg's apology over tuition fees they have decided to get him to apologise for other things as well. We at Back and to the Left news have a friend with close ties to the Liberal Democrats and he managed to sneak us a draft copy of the upcoming speech.

Highlights from the speech include:

"As leader of the Liberal Democrats it is my duty to apologise on behalf of my party for anything that we have, may have or that people wrongly suspect we have done. I sincerely apologise for the recession, the wet summer and the fall in alcohol sales in pubs...."

It goes on.

"With great regret do I hold my hands up and say sorry for the Holocaust we didn't mean it. The Titanic disaster was another iceberg we should have avoided as well as the whole Somme military campaign...."

The speech goes on for several pages and some of the things that Nick apologises for are events that we didn't even know had happened.

"The disastrous Mars colony explosion and the drowning of Glasgow are two things we wish that we could rectify."

Our source says Nick will deliver the entire speech standing on a gallows with a noose around his neck. The public will then get to ring in and if he receives enough "yes" votes he's be spared.

We are the reality TV generation.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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