Shylock Humes an the case of the missing Mascot: Part One

Funny story written by armfeetandtoe

Monday, 1 October 2012

image for Shylock Humes an the case of the missing Mascot: Part One
Mrs Hudson laughs at Inchcocks soldiers

Shylock Humes woke with a start Mrs Hudson had dropped the breakfast tray on him again.

"Ooh beg pardon Eric, I tripped on the half rug" sighed Mrs Hudson.

"Never call me Eric Maude, you never know who is listening" warned Shylock.

"I didn't know your name was Eric" said a voice from the wardrobe.

Quick as a flash, Shylock leapt from his bed and grabbed his gun, Mrs Hudson grabbed her apron.

She had seen one before, but not as big as Shylocks. The hernia was monumental and she made a point of telling Humes not to strain himself. The voice in the wardrobe agreed.

Shylock ripped open the wardrobe door to be confronted by a man wearing a loin cloth and Pith helmet it was his old friend Inchcock back from the wilds of Africa.

"How many times have I told you to write before visiting" said Shylock.

"Sorry old man, but we had the de-bagging ceremony at the club and I could not get home" replied Inchcock as he emerged from the confines of the wardrobe.

"Begging your pardon sir" said Mrs Hudson "But the soldiers are out of the barracks".

Inchcock loaded his tackle back into his pants and made for the easy chair in the corner of the room.

"So, you got out of Rokes Droft then" enquired Shylock.

"Just about, we managed to sell everything we had to the Zulu and had no complaints" replied Inchy.

"I heard you left one behind" said Shylock.

"Oh, yes, Bovine, he refused to soldier and wanted to fight the enemy" said Inchcock.

"Damn and blast his eyes, there is always one turd in the water pipe" answered Humes.

"Thing is, old chap, we have lost the regimental mascot" said a concerned Inchcock.

"And that is why I find you in my wardrobe at eight in the morning" replied Shylock.

"No, that toe rag Skoob said he would drop me off at a hotel, and here I am" said Inchy.

"We will breakfast and go out and find your mascot my friend be assured, this will be an easy case to resolve and after, we shall have dinner at the famous "Coal Hole" with all the gang" reassured Humes.

"The thing is Shylock, the chaps are in the clink on remand for drunk and disorderly" said Inchcock.

"And I suppose you want me to bail them out" answered Shylock.

"No" said Inchcock "I want you to give me the cab fare home" replied Inchcock.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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