My life as a man #03

Funny story written by Francois Dubois, S.J.

Wednesday, 26 September 2012


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Anybody who tries to tell me there is one, an all-powerful, caring God who rewards human beings for their good works and punishes human beings for evil is full of shit. I can prove it; any seven-year-old in a catechism class can prove it too: God cannot be all-powerful because God cannot create a rock so heavy God cannot pick it up. So, fuck you; let it go.

Yes, I know, you believe the reward part comes due up in Heaven after you die. You're an asshole. I really understand the concept of delaying gratification and all that psycho-babble, yada fucking yada. That is a selfless concept, an economic one conceived by bankers and clerics; but it's not for me. I want my gratification while I'm alive because I am a selfish bastard and a little brother and that is my psycho-babble. And because banks fail every day. And because clerics fuck children. Some people are, well fuck them.

Now, before you go saying, "There he goes again, bitching and moaning:" There is one group of people I do admire and am grateful for: hookers. I love em! If there was a God who did reward people for good works, hookers would lead the list. They would also get paid better and not be frowned upon by "enlightened society." And they would be safe!

I've only known a couple of hookers (in Tijuana, San Diego, Orlando, Boise[I'll never forget her], Subic Bay, Guam, Okinawa, Taiwan, Japan, Sydney, Rota, Manchester, Sussex, Ankara, Brussels) so you can see my experience is limited. But the few I've known provided a wonderful service at reasonable rates, to willing clients. That is the very essence of free market capitalism. It is positively American.

Another group of workers I admire are post-hole diggers. If you can't figure out why to admire them, well…

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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