A Visit to Both the Republican and Democratic 2012 National Conventions

Funny story written by Philbert of Macadamia

Monday, 17 September 2012

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Every Four Years

Pizmo Beach Pennsyltucky: Philbert of Macadamia and Mrs. Philbert went on a two week vacation to Tampa FL and Charlotte NC as delegates to the Republican National Convention (RNC) and Democratic National Convention (DNC), respectively.

No surprise that the Republican Party nominee was to be Presidential challenger Mitt Romney and the Democratic Party nominee was to be President Barack Obama for a second term. Duh, are political conventions relevant in the era of primary elections?

Philbert as the Chairman of the Pizmo Beach Republican Party was going to cede being a delegate to the RNC to his vice chairman. Mrs. Philbert the Chairman of the Pizmo Beach Democratic Party convinced Phil to attend the convention, as he had never seen an ocean.

Pennsyltucky is a land locked conservative red state and the town of Pizmo Beach is situated on beautiful Lake Pizmo. Mrs. Philbert is originally from San Francisco CA, which accounts for her liberal tendencies. The Philberts met at Woodstock NY in 1969, but that's a story for another day.

Arriving at the Tampa Bay Convention Center the Philbert's ran smack into Tropical Storm Isaac and Philbert got to see ocean waves in Tampa Bay. The weather put a damper on protest demonstrations, while the Broadcast TV networks protested by shortening their live convention coverage (both conventions). Both political parties had to suffer the political machinations of the other party's meetings, rallies and polls outside the convention sites.

Ann Romney gave an inspiring speech about her husband. The RNC nominated Mitt Romney for president. Political speeches followed in the next few days by Republican Party notables and a new generation of up and coming Republicans at city, state and federal levels. New Jersey Governor Chris Christie gave the keynote address and Vice Presidential challenger Paul Ryan also spoke. (Some Democratic TV watchers thought it was scary as they could lose all their government freebees!) Florida Senator Marco Rubio gave a rousing speech introducing Mitt Romney, following Clint Eastwood's fooling around with an imaginary President Obama sitting in an empty chair.

Presidential challenger Mitt Romney accepted his party's nomination and outlined the reality of the last four years of the failed Obama administration policies of ObamaCare, ObamaNomics, ObamaRegulations, ObamaTaxes and ObamaEnergy. A new direction is required to cure what ails the USA, not the same old Democratic let's throw the spaghetti at the wall and see if it sticks now approach. Washington DC hasn't been in this much of a mess since the British invaded the city 200 years ago in the war of 1812!

Mrs. Philbert observed the extreme right wing Republican conventioneer's seemed to be obsessed with outlawing all abortions and being value voters. Is that like being a K-Mart shopper, she wondered? Republicans had a falling balloon finale to their convention!

Arriving at the Charlotte Convention Center the following week, the Philbert's ran into small protest demonstrations concerning many causes, but big demonstrations had fizzled due to lack of interest.

First Lady Michelle Obama gave an inspiring speech about her husband. Political speeches followed in the next few days by Democratic Party notables and a new generation of up and coming Democrats at city, state and federal levels. San Antonio TX Mayor Julian Castro gave the keynote address and Vice President Joe Biden (President Obama's fool) also spoke. Maryland's tax and spend Governor Martin O'Malley, who wants to be president in 2016, offered pointed criticism of Republicans tending to go backwards. He should talk!

Former President Bill Clinton gave the presidential nomination speech extolling the virtues of President Obama, as Secretary of State Hillary Clinton wants to be president in 2016. The Clinton wing (moderate/liberal) and the Obama wing (far left) of the Democratic Party are as compatible as fire and gasoline. This animosity first erupted when Mrs. Clinton challenged then Senator Obama for the presidential nomination in 2008. Woe to you Maryland Governor O'Malley!

Some delegates saw President Obama take the podium walking on water with light rays emanating from his body. (Some Republican TV watchers thought he didn't have any clothes on at all.) The president humbly accepted his party's nomination and opined that his administration's policies needed four more years to achieve the recovery summer of 2010 economic and employment goals. President Obama blamed former Republican President George W Bush for the Titanic disaster and took credit for increased oil production and the Iraq withdrawal (GW Bush plan). (A senior Republican later labeled the president's speech as "Fantasyland.")

Philbert observed the Democratic conventioneers, specifically women, seemed to have an orgasm when President Obama gave his acceptance speech. This phenomenon would explain the extreme left wing Democrats obsession with providing free contraceptive devices. These same delegates tried to throw God and Israel under the bus! Democrats had no falling balloon finale to their convention.

The polls (if you believe them) have Democratic President Barack Obama and Republican Presidential challenger Mitt Romney at 45% of the electorate each. Both political parties plan to spend hundreds of millions of dollars in the next 60 days to try and convince the 10% or less of still undecided voters to vote for their candidate. The Democrats will be trying to energize their welfare and freeloader base, while the Republicans will be trying to energize the Evangelical and entrepreneur base to achieve a high voter turnout.

Returning home to Pizmo Beach the Philberts agreed to vacation in the Galapagos Islands (off the coast of Ecuador) in South America or Denali Park Alaska during the 2016 US political conventions!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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