Nottingham News for W/E: 6th May 2012

Funny story written by Inchcock

Sunday, 6 May 2012

image for Nottingham News for W/E: 6th May 2012
The real reason for the local election failures of the Tories!

Sunday 29th April 2012

Topic: Development - Asda

"Asda plans to regenerate derelict site in St Ann's, Nottingham"

Source: BBC News

Extract: Plans to build a supermarket and homes in a "run-down" area of Nottingham are to go on public display.

Asda has earmarked a site on Carlton Road in St Ann's for the store, which it said could create 200 jobs.

The company said the store, which would be built on the site of the former Co-op, could bring "huge economic benefits to the community".

It also plans to build low-energy homes on the corner of Carlton Road and St Matthias Road.

Chris Martin, Asda's senior property manager, said: "The scheme has the potential to regenerate a site sorely in need of regeneration".

Comment: I worked at the store when the Co-op has it many years ago. We had staff hospitalised by gang members and shoplifters regularly. Not far away from the second Nottingham police station to be torched in the riots last year.

Monday 30th April 2012

Topic: Development - Asda

"St Ann's Asda Event Attracts Thrilled Residents"

Source: This is Nottingham

Extract: ASDA's Senior Communications Manager said, "It means that ASDA is giving St Ann's a vote of confidence. We aim to build a new modern store about a third the size of our Hyson Green complex, with parking for 204 vehicles along with bicycles.

"The car park will be accessed from Carlton Road, which will also be the main entrance to the Store. There will also be three new beacon crossings on Carlton Road to allow people to cross the road in safety.

"Our new Asda store will be selling all the main food products including fruit, meat and vegetables, while a small area will be set aside for clothes aimed at children's age groups."

Comment: The organised shoplifting gangs will be taking orders already I bet! Cars and bike orders also taken in advance!

Tuesday 1st May 2012

Topic: Court - Crime - Murder - Robbery

"Drug user killed friend with axe 'in self defence', court told"

Source: This is Nottingham

Extract: A drug user killed his friend with an axe while they were trying to rip copper pipes out of a flat.

Jure Slivnick hit Rajkumar Thaurairajah on the head at least twice with the axe.

He died in hospital six days later and Slivnick was charged with his murder.

The Slovenian-national is also accused of assaulting another friend, Nikolas Lister, possibly with a knife, before he attacked Mr Thaurairajah - known as Raj - in August last year.

"The defendant says Raj attacked him with a knife and so in using the axe on Raj, the defendant was doing no more than was reasonable in lawful self-defence.

The trio planned to take copper piping from a ground-floor flat in Waterloo Road, Hyson Green, to sell and Slivnick arrived ahead of the other two to prepare.

Mr Thaurairajah and Mr Lister turned up to find Slivnick pacing about, with water gushing out of pipes and repeatedly saying it would not stop, the court heard.

Former Big Issue seller Mr Lister said he bent a pipe over with pliers to stop water coming out and went to look in an airing cupboard to find a stopcock.

As he peered into the tank, he felt a flash and pain in his head. "He'd been struck and he shouted out," Mr Pini said. "It's the prosecution case he was struck by this defendant [Slivnick] using some sort of implement, very likely a knife."

Comment: What do you think these Slovenian-national gangs would do to someone they didn't know if they got in their way?

Wednesday 2nd May 2012

Topic: Crime - Shooting

"Man arrested over Hyson Green firearms incident"

Source: Nottingham Police

Extract: A 31-year-old man has been arrested in connection with a firearms incident in a Hyson Green street yesterday (Monday 30 April).

Members of the public reported hearing a firearm being discharged in Gregory Boulevard at around 5.15pm.

Officers attended the scene and found the rear window of a Citroen car in the street had been damaged.

There is currently no evidence to suggest anyone was injured in the incident.

*Police officers are carrying out high visibility patrols in the area and part of the street remains closed while enquiries continue.

Comment: *Police officers are carrying out high visibility patrols in the area. Yes, I passed both of the officers on my way to the hospital for me blood tests.

Thursday 3rd May 2012

Topic: Crime - Murder

"Malakai McKenzie murder: Four more arrests"

Source: BBC News

Extract: More arrests have been made in connection with a fatal shooting in a Nottingham pub car park.

Malakai McKenzie, 19, was fatally wounded outside The Hubb, in Hucknall Road, Sherwood.

(That's the one 500 yds north of where I live)

Three men, aged 22, 20, and 18, have been arrested on suspicion of murder. A fourth man, aged 38, was arrested on suspicion of assisting an offender.

A 20-year-old man, who was arrested on 1 May, remains in police custody on suspicion of murder.

Three men, aged 19, 17, and 24, and a 21-year-old woman, have been bailed pending further enquiries.

Comment: I'll hold comment on this one until a later date.

Friday 4th May 2012

Topic: Crime - Shooting

"Man released without charge after Hyson Green shooting"

Source: BBC News

Extract: A 31-year-old man who was arrested over a shooting in a Nottingham street has been released without charge.

He was questioned after an area around Gregory Boulevard and Birkin Avenue was cordoned off in Hyson Green on Monday, following reports of gun fire.

Comment: If you know of any Nottingham people who have not committed this year, please pass their name to the newsdesk.

Saturday 5th May 2012

Topic: Crime

"Taxi driver suffers 'vicious' attack by refused passengers"

Source: Nottingham Post

Extract: Raja Khan, who works for DG Cars, was punched inside the car before being hit repeatedly until he fell to the ground when he tried to escape.

Mr Khan, 31, of Russell Road, Forest Fields, said he was just obeying the rules by declining to drive the group to the city from Sherwood in the early hours of Sunday.

It is illegal for private hire drivers to take on passengers who have not pre-ordered the car with the company - and breaking the law could result in a fine as well as six points on the driver's licence.

"I feel like I was being punished for trying to do the right thing," said Mr Khan, who suffered severe cuts, bruises and a swollen eye.

"I can't believe this has happened to me. It was an absolutely vicious, cruel and brutal attack.

Comment: Another assault on the innocent of Nottingham - does anyone know how I can buy a revolver and ammunition locally please?

Sunday 6th May 2012

Topic: Crime - Drugs

"Nine drug dealers taken off Nottingham city streets"

Source: Nottingham Post

Extract: have dealt a major blow to the drugs trade in Nottingham after nine dealers were jailed for more than 26 years between them.

Officers spent four months targeting dealers in St Ann's following complaints from residents about drugs being sold on the streets.

They seized lumps of uncut crack cocaine, bags full of heroin wraps and discovered a number of cannabis farms.

Those arrested: Shannon Thomas, Jahvan Morris, Martin Chapman. Middle, Jack Pates, Daniel Weldon, Warren Thompson. Bottom, Daniel Butler, Jamaine McKenzie, Casian Buchanan

Comment: Well, this will make it more profitable for the other dealers and gangs left out there!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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