Heston Blooming-Tal Makes A Meal Of It

Funny story written by MonkeyInTheBath

Thursday, 16 February 2012

image for Heston Blooming-Tal Makes A Meal Of It
Next week, lightly braised sirloin of plesiosaur.

This year, 2012, is the Queen's Diamond Jubilee year. We asked famous bonkers celebrity chef Heston Blooming-Tal to come up with a recipe to celebrate her Queening anniversary, just like whoever it was who came up with Coronation Chicken in 1952.

First Heston considered swan, but the legal department made it clear that there would be complications. Then he thought about lion, and again had to be advised against it. Finally he decided to settle on one of the lesser known royal meats, badger.

So here is Heston Blooming-Tal's recipe for Coronation Badger. A meal fit for a Queen:

1 badger, live
3 tonnes royal jelly
1 crocodilian cloaca
7 oak trees
1 ingot of 18 carat gold

Take the badger, and hang, draw and quarter it. Flay off the skin and throw that away. Then marinate the remains in the royal jelly for two years.
Melt down the gold in a furnace. Boil the cloaca for 7 seconds, and fill it with the melted gold. Place the cloaca inside the marinated badger.
Divide into seven pieces and serve in each of the oak trees, which must be chopped down and buried after the meal is over.

God bless you, ma'am. We hope you enjoy your new dish.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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