Suitable Easter Eggs/Presents for UK Cabinet Ministers

Funny story written by Inchcock

Wednesday, 15 February 2012

image for Suitable Easter Eggs/Presents for UK Cabinet Ministers
Bent, crooked, broken, it lies all over - Yes most suitable for out politicians methinks!

Right Honourable David Cameron MP (Conservative)
Prime Minister, First Lord of the Treasury and Minister for the Civil Service.
Most Suitable Gift: A Guy Fawkes C4 filled exploding Easter egg.

Right Honourable Nick Clegg MP (Liberal Democrat)
Deputy Prime Minister, Lord President of the Council. (With special responsibility for political and constitutional reform)
Most Suitable Gift: A brown nosed two-faced decorated egg, with RIP to the Lib-Dem's written on it in sickening White Chocolate.

Right Honourable William Hague MP (Conservative)
First Secretary of State, Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs.
Most Suitable Gift: A delicate puff-pastry with Champagne flavoured icing covered egg, with Guylian Belgium seashell-moulded pralines inside.

Right Honourable George Osborne MP (Conservative)
Chancellor of the Exchequer
Most Suitable Gift: A two liared egg... I mean layered, shell of delectable mandarin flavoured shell, with a mixture of Cyclonite, weedkiller and pesticides.

Right Honourable Kenneth Clarke QC MP (Conservative)
Lord Chancellor, Secretary of State for Justice
Most Suitable Gift: A pink chocolate truncheon, along with 142,234 thank you and Happy Easter letters from the prisoners he's released early from our jails in the last 4 months!

Right Honourable Theresa May MP (Conservative)
Secretary of State for the Home Department and Minister for Women and Equalities
Most Suitable Gift: Just a card, from terrorist Abu Qatada, thanking her for giving him bail, and letting him stay in the country.

Honourable Dr Philip Hammond MP (Conservative)
Secretary of State for Defence
Most Suitable Gift: An un-armoured egg, with a peanut for each of our soldiers killed through not having sufficient protection in a war to ensure the rich stay rich.

Right Honourable Dr Vincent Cable MP (Liberal Democrat)
Secretary of State for Business, Innovation and Skills
Most Suitable Gift: A Harrod's Easter egg wrapped in his unpaid tax demands.

Right Honourable Iain Duncan Smith MP (Conservative)
Secretary of State for Work and Pensions
Most Suitable Gift: A bottle of hair restorer, and a notice of redundancy.

Right Honourable Chris Huhne MP (Liberal Democrat)
Secretary of State for Energy and Climate Change
Most Suitable Gift: A yellow turnip flavoured Easter egg, aloing with 25,000 expense claim forms.

Right Honourable Andrew Lansley CBE MP (Conservative)
Secretary of State for Health
Most Suitable Gift: Pipe bombs coated in blood.

Right Honourable Eric Pickles MP (Conservative)
Secretary of State for Communities and Local Government
Most Suitable Gift: A carrot cake with a liar of great hogwash expense forms.

Right Honourable Philip Hammond MP (Conservative)
Secretary of State for Transport
Most Suitable Gift: A parking ticket.

Right Honourable Owen Paterson MP (Conservative)
Secretary of State for Northern Ireland
Most Suitable Gift: A sympathy cake.

Michael Moore MP (Liberal Democrat)
Secretary of State for Scotland (and providing ministerial support to the Deputy Prime Minister in the Cabinet Office)
Most Suitable Gift: A referendum form shaped cake.

Right Honourable Cheryl Gillan MP (Conservative)
Secretary of State for Wales
Most Suitable Gift: A map of Wales.

Right Honourable Jeremy Hunt MP (Conservative)
Secretary of State for Culture, Olympics, Media and Sport
Most Suitable Gift: A chocolate scroll, with a plea form each of the counties that are going to be short of thousands of policemen each when they are sent to London for the Olympics, and a few thousand thank-you notes from muggers, rapist, burglars etc.

Right Honourable Danny Alexander MP (Liberal Democrat)
Chief Secretary to the Treasury
Most Suitable Gift: A crooked shaped Egg.

Right Honourable Baroness Warsi (Conservative)
Minister without Portfolio
Most Suitable Gift: A book, 'How to be Honest!'

Right Honourable Oliver Letwin MP (Conservative)
Minister of State for Policy
Most Suitable Gift: A 'shredder' for his office.

Right Honourables? Huh!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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