Nottingham News for W/E 21st Jan 2012 - with comments

Funny story written by Inchcock

Saturday, 21 January 2012


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Nottingham pensioner as he waits to be mugged!

15th Jan 2012: Three raids in Three days at shops in West Bridgford, Nott's
Category: Crime
CCTV of raid - Canyou idenify this man?
'This is Nottingham'
The first was on Tuesday at 5.10pm at the Post Office in Earlswood Drive, Edwalton. A man demanded money from the postmaster who locked himself in his office. The offender, who left empty-handed, was not thought to have had a weapon.

The next day at 6.20am a man entered the News Bar newsagents, and held a knife to the throat of the woman working behind the till. She handed over money and the culprit fled on foot.

The final attack happened on Thursday at the Londis in Boundary Road, West Bridgford, at 9pm. A masked man brandished a knife at the female shop assistant and left with cash. He was of medium build and between 5ft 9in and 6ft.

Inspector Philip Hallam, neighbourhood policing inspector for Rushcliffe, said: "We are linking all three incidents which have left the staff involved incredibly shaken.

Anyone with information should call West Bridgford CID on 101, or Crimestoppers on 0800 555 111.

Welcome to nottingham!"

15th Jan 2012: McDonalds in West Bridgford, Nott's Raided
Category: Crime
'This is Nottingham'
The attack happened on New Year's Eve at the fast food restaurant in Radcliffe Road, West Bridgford, at around 11.45pm. The man approached staff as they were closing the store and demanded that they reopen it.
After they did this he made off with cash from the restaurant.
He is described as being between 5ft 7ins and 6ft tall.

Anyone with information should call West Bridgford CID on 101, or Crimestoppers on 0800 555 111.

Welcome to Nottingham!"

17th Jan 2012: Devastating results of boozing, driving and hitting a wall!
Category: Crime
'This is Nottingham'
'Scene of the drunken drivers crash'
This was the scene of destruction left behind in a couple's garden after a drink-driver ploughed through their garden wall on Christmas Eve.

Graham and Yvonne Dooley, of Main Road,Wilford Village, had just nodded off to sleep when the car came crashing through the 4ft brick wall.

"Drink driving?... in Nottingham... well I never!"

17th Jan 2012: Alert after thief strikes as car owner de-ices windscreen!
Category: Crime
'This is Nottingham'
It comes after a Daybrook man had his Vauxhall Corsa stolen on Sunday. The engine had been switched on and the keys left in the ignition as he went back inside his Nottingham Road home at around midday.

Although the car was locked with a spare set of keys, someone smashed the driver's window and drove the car away while the owner was inside the house.

Temporary Inspector Andy Knight said: "This kind of incident shows that even when we think we've done enough to deter thieves, we may sometimes underestimate their determination to steal. This is the forth such incident this month."

"This occurred within a short distance from two muggings, two armed shop raids, and an attempted rape last month!"

17th Jan 2012: Alert after thief strikes as car owner de-ices windscreen!
Category: Crime
'This is Nottingham'
Scum of the earth jailed
Two muggers attacked a man with learning difficulties and robbed him for a chocolate bar and magazine.

Craig Fasoli and Kevin Stanley spotted Bernard Brown, 54, in Loughborough Road after he had visited a newsagents near Trent Bridge on Sunday, April 24 and began shouting at him.

Stanley, 41, kicked a football at Mr Brown and the pair grabbed his carrier bag, which contained a chocolate bar and magazine.

Fasoli, 20, then punched Mr Brown on his head, which broke his hearing aid and left him with a wound near his left ear.

Fasoli and Stanley were both charged with robbery and pleaded guilty at Nottingham Crown Court.

Judge John Milmo QC said: "The picture I get is of an unprovoked attack on someone who you knew was particularly vulnerable. "It was a shameful attack on someone who couldn't adequately defend himself".

I know the feeling, having been mugged myself in Carrington, the Arboretum, and Sherwood in Nottingham in the last year. And believe me it's a very hard and lengthy wait to get your NHS hearing aids repaired.
Once again, welcome to Nottingham!

20th Jan 2012: Nottingham's Arboretum Ward Political ward that is, not medical!has worst death rates in the UK!
Category: Nottingham - Arboretum Ward
'This is Nottingham'
IT will come as no surprise to some to learn that the city's Arboretum ward has one of the worst death rates in the country. The ward, which covers Hyson Green and parts of Radford and the city centre, takes in areas of Nottingham which traditionally have some of the lowest life expectancy rates.

But new Government figures which show the death rate in the ward is more than double the national average come as a shock.

Nottingham East MP Chris Leslie is right to highlight the seriousness of the issue. He has expressed his concern at the fact that someone born in Arboretum is currently expected to live for four-and-a-half years less that the Nottingham average, and seven years shorter than the national average.

"Well, I'm glad I do not live in that ward. I live 100 yards from it! Very encouraging.
Although the residents do live life to the full there, during the 2011 Nottingham riots two police stations were fire-bombed, five police cars attacked, eight shops looted, and a murder thrown in for good measure."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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