Written by Zachary Estle

Sunday, 31 July 2011


The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

There are a lot of crappy jobs out there, here however is a list of the absolute worst parts about working retail jobs:

1) Customers: They just bug the shit out of you. Really. Ninety percent are ok, but that small minority fuck it up for everyone else.

2) Co-workers: You HAVE to deal with these people day in and day out wether you like them or not, and oftentimes they're worse than the customers themselves.

3) Bye-bye weekends: This is a real bullshit job, you don't get weekends off. Ever. Ever. Ever. Sorry, but I had to emphasize that one. On occasion you will get one day on the weekend off, but unless you plan a few weeks ahead, and nobody else already asked for it off, you will never have a full weekend away from whatever Hell you deal in.

3) Managers: They're their to screw you harder than prison inmates after a bag of pruno. They give only the slightest shit about you they will fire in a heartbeat to help themselves yet will act like they're their only to help you.

4) Holidays: This is probably the worst part about retail jobs, holidays are cyclic ridiculous and you will never get them off. Ever. These are worse than weekends because they are only annually so if you miss your favorite holiday, good luck till next year.

5) Opposite sex: It sucks to work next to hot people of the opposite sex and try to not try to get into their pants. If you do, good luck keeping any relationship discreet. And most will only do this once and decide never to do it again. And being the lone opposite sex in any department singles you out. Sexism goes both ways.

6) Call-Out's: If a co-worker calls out, your as good as fucked. Managers rarely call people in to cover call-Out's unless absolutely necessary. This is a huge epidemic in all retail jobs.

This has been just a small number of things that are wrong with retail jobs in general. If there are enough likes and comments I will do a second edition version. If you work retail too, give me an email and let me know if you have a request for the list.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more