The Average American Motorist Rulebook

Funny story written by Josh Gillam

Wednesday, 1 June 2011

Here is a guide to help ensure you drive like the rest of America.


While driving, keep in mind that everyone else on the road should be looking out for you. Therefore, there is no reason for you to be aware of your surroundings. A perfect example of this would be not checking your blind spot when trying to change lanes. In fact, there's no need to even check your mirrors for any traffic in the other lane. Any drivers behind you should be completely on their toes and ready to react to any movements you feel that you need to make. If a driver doesn't move out of your way when you're trying change lanes without checking, be sure to give that driver a nasty look. It is also acceptable to give them the finger. This lets the other driver know that they should have known that you were about to change lanes.

There are multiple things you can do while driving to help ensure that you are not being aware of your surroundings.

1. Talking on your cell phone. This is a very common method use to reduce awareness.

2. Texting. This is a great method as it will actually require you to take your eyes off the road, and in some cases, even both hands off the steering wheel.

3. Eating and drinking. Sure you could just pull over and eat, but eating while you're driving helps ensure that some of your focus will be on something other than the road.

4. Smoking. Not as effective in reducing awareness as some of the others, but it still works. Plus it obviously makes you look cool.

Not being aware of your surroundings is one of the most important things to remember to join the ranks of average American drivers.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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