Entertainment Laid On for the Royal Wedding

Funny story written by Auntie Matter

Sunday, 24 April 2011

image for Entertainment Laid On for the Royal Wedding
Two of the 'Guests' at the Royal Wedding.

Prior to their departure for a two-week honeymoon in Blackpool the royal couple Prince Willam and Kate and guests will be entertained by some of the world's top perforrmers during their wedding banquet.

On the list are:

Satan; who will give a rendition of "God Save the Queen" on the didgeridoo, his favourite instrument.

Bono and U2, blasting out some of their biggest hits including the first performance of their new single written especially for the wedding called "Mankind forgives you, Great Britain, for All Your Atrocities".

The Grenadier Guards: A special unit will try to take apart and re-assemble an Exocet missile in record time.

Fergie, will peform a scene from Hedda Grabbler a yet to be performed play written by J.K. Rowling during a recent visit to Oslo. Later, she will challenge the famous authoress to a contest to see who can make their mascara run faster when crying. Princess Anne and Tony Blair will be the judges.

Blair, Brown and Mandelson will perform the "Crazy Hatters" scene from "Alicia in Wonderland", the latest book for children from J.K.Rowling that her agent Christopher Little and his partner Neil Blair say is "similar to" "Alice in Wonderland" but "quite different". Members of Edinburgh's Masonic Lodge will fill up the rest of the cast.

The Royal Huntsmen of Coventry will demonstrate how to bludgeon an exhausted fox to death, humanely.

Prince Charles will follow up by shooting two stags stone dead simultaneously with his shotgun for the amusement of guests.

The Duke of Edinburgh; will demonstrate how to skin and dress them.

Lawyers Schillings of London will demonstrate how to eat them within the law and while under surveillance.

Dire Straits will sing their famous hit "Money for Nothing" with Barack Obama on drums.

Sir Paul McCartney and ex-wife Heather Mills; will dance a pas-de-deux from "The Nutcracker's Suite" - thought to have been written by Tchaikovsky but was actually penned by J.K. Rowling before she gave up music to pursue writing as a career, states her publisher Bloomsbury. Firemen will be on standby in case of friction.

Actor Jack Nicholson, will sing the "Our Father" - with David Bowie on harp and Peter Mandelson on knees.

Daniel Radcliffe of Harry Potter fame will perform the "To Be or Not to Be" speech from Shamlet, - by J.K. Rowling, conducted by ex Prime Minister Gordon Brown.

Hugh Grant, Mick Jagger, David Frost, Michael Parkinson and Rolf Harris have volunteered to act as waiters during the banquet.

J.K. Rowling and her good friend Sarah Brown, wife of Gordon Brown, will be helping out in the kitchen, preparing desserts from medieval recipes - by J.K. Rowling.

All the guests will be expected to dress as wizards and witches, or Freemasons. All in all it should be quite a night!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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