Written by Abel Rodriguez

Monday, 28 February 2011

image for Justin Bieber's Mother Buys Him A Ranch In Wyoming For His 17th Birthday
Miss Moo Moo, one of the livestock that now belongs to ranch owner Justin Bieber. (Photo courtesy of Justin's mom).

CHEYENNE, Wyoming - Well it looks like Justin Bieber will now have a place where he can keep the birthday present he received from Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato.

The two teen queens bought their best friend Justin a Shetland pony for his 17th birthday.

And although Justin was thrilled beyond belief to receive the little horse named "Little Fella" he was faced with the problem of where to keep him, since one does not exactly keep a horse in the backyard of a Hollywood Hills mansion.

But not to worry, Justin's mom, Pattie Lynn "Dimples" Mallette solved that little problem right away. She called up a real estate agent, who deals in ranches, and her and Justy flew over to Cheyenne, Wyoming to check out a ranch that had just gone on the market the day before.

They drove out on Happy Jack Road, west of town to The Bluffing Buffalo Hooves Ranch. The 901 acre ranch belongs to Driscoll and Fernanda Figgyfurst who raise buffaloes, cattle, sheep, goats, reindeer, and snapping turtles.

The Figgyfurst's love the ranch and ranch life but like Driscoll said, "Hell, the little woman and I built this spread up from scratch, but now that we've gotten up in years, I'm 101, and Fernie will be 99 on either April 3rd, or July 19th we just can't handle the ranch work like we used to do.

Hot diggity dog, these days it sometimes takes the wife and me up to three hours just to brand two cattle. And them little sumbitch snapping turtles seem to have a whole lot sharper teeth than when we first started breeding them back in the winter of '55."

Mrs. Mallette talked to the Figgyfursts and asked if they had heard of her famous son.

"Well what's da boy's name?" Asked Mrs. Figgyfurst.

"Justin Bieber." Pattie Lynn replied with pride.

"Never heard of da little sumbitch, how 'bout you Drisky?"

"Did you say Justin Timberlake Fernie?"

"No Drisky, turn up you hearing aid fella, da woman says da boy goes by da name of Justin Bieber...Justin like the cowboy boots and Bieber like that animal dat builds da damns in our creeks."

"Dammit! I hate dem beavers always clogging up our creeks and messing up my trees, and shitting all over da friggin place and..."

"Hold on Drisky - gosh darnit, you're preachin' to da choir grandpa so simmer your old cracker ass down ya hear."

"Yeah, ma, I reckon I sho nuff would like some crackers simmered in gravy - thank you."

Mrs. Mallette shook her head in disbelief and asked if she could sign the papers as soon as possible.

Fernanda Figgyfurst asked her what papers she was talking about.

Pattie Lynn looked over at Justin who was doing all he could to keep from bursting out laughing and she replied that she was talking about the papers that would give her ownership of their ranch.

"What?" The Figgyfurst's asked in unison.

"Why we can't sell our ranch. Where da hell would we live if we were ta do dat?"

Pattie Lynn talked it over with Justin and they agreed that she would buy the ranch for him as a birthday present and a place where he would be able to keep his Shetland pony "Little Fella."

She also told Justin that she would let the Figgyfurst's stay on the ranch and act as the caretakers.

Justin told his mom that, that would be a great idea.

So now Justin Bieber is the proud owner of The Bluffing Buffalo Hooves Ranch located just outside of Cheyenne, Wyoming.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more