Written by Abel Rodriguez

Tuesday, 15 February 2011

NEW YORK CITY - One of the most beautiful women to ever come out of Russia is Irina Shayk and she is this years 2011 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue cover girl.

Irina Shayk, a 25-year-old stunningly attractive model from Yemanzhelinsk, Russia beat out a total of 7,951 other gorgeous models for the sports magazine honor.

Shayk, whose actual last name is Shaykhlislamova, and which means 'snow beaver tired as heck after building snow damn' said that when she first heard about getting the cover (via a text messge) she started jumping up and down uncontrollably with so much joy that she did not notice that her bikini thongs had fallen down and were resting on her ankles.

Irina said that she was wearing a very short skirt and she was quite embarrassed since she was actually in church at the time.

She started giggling and said that the preacher called her up to the podium. He asked her why she was so happy. She told him that she had just received a text message informing her that she had been chosen to be on the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.

The preacher led the congregation in a thunderous round of applause.

He took out his cell phone and had the church organist take a photo of him and Irina together. He then gave her a high five, a fist bump, and a chest bump and told her to get her cute little butt back to where she was sitting so that he could continue with his sermon on the joys of eating diet food low in trans fats, calories, and taste.

Irina is dating football (soccer) star Cristiano Ronaldo, who wears number 7 for the Real Madrid Merengues. Ronaldo is a very lucky guy who recently won a brand new 2011 Ford Prius in a church raffle.

CrisRo, as Irina refers to him in bed, is also the highest paid soccer player in the world. He makes £11 million [$17.7 million U.S.] a year.

Irina laughingly says that her boyfriend, who is Portuguese, could easily buy half of Portugal if he wanted.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Mr. Ronaldo would probably have to take a loan to actually be able to buy half of Portugal but he would certainly qualify for that loan.]

Irina says that she is so proud of her boyfriend and revealed that he actually went out and bought over 100 of her swimsuit issues to pass out to his teammates, friends, and his most devoted fans.

The happy couple are planning a trip to America where they will both appear on The Oprah Winfrey Show, The Ellen DeGeneres Show, Piers Morgan Tonight, but not on The View.

Apparently Ronaldo is very upset at the fact that The View's Elisabeth Hasselbeck stated that he (Ronaldo) plays soccer and that her husband ex-NFL quarterback Tim Hasselbeck played football.

Irina Shayk has said that she will be putting the swimsuit that she wore on the cover of Sports Illustrated on eBay and that all of the proceeds will go to purchase soccer balls and swimsuits for the underprivileged children of the little African nation of Lower Zamgola.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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