Written by Jenny Grene

Monday, 14 February 2011

The author has been given access to new material written by JK Rowling. This book takes place after Harry defeated Voldemort and decided to go back to school and finish his studies.

Chapter One: The New Ministers

Harry Potter packed his trunk for school slowly, deciding to read through old newspaper articles before he threw them away. Luckily for narrative purposes, these all involved the exposition of events that had occurred in between the last book and this one. He looked at a moving wizard picture of two similar looking men, smiling with their arms around each other. The headline read, "New Wizarding Coalition Government Formed". Harry sat down on his bed with a sigh, and read the caption beneath the picture.

"Seen here: Nickity Clegg and David Cameronius, two pure-blood wizards who have formed a new coalition Ministry of Magic. Put together they represent the most number of wizard votes, more than any other single wizard party."

As Harry looked at the paper there was a knock on his door. Hurriedly, he threw all of his things into his trunk and ran downstairs. Hermione was there waiting for him. As they loaded his trunk into the wizard taxi she had come in, Harry looked around.

"Where's Ron," he asked. "Is he meeting us at the wizard station?"

"Haven't you heard?" said Hermione in surprise. "Ron isn't coming back to Hogwarts. His family can't afford the new tuition fees. They decided that Ginny should go back to Hogwarts because Ron is frankly average and she shows more promise."

"Blimey," said Harry. "I never even thought that Ron wouldn't come back to Hogwarts. Makes sense I suppose. And they lost all their savings in the crash at Gringotts Wizarding Bank, didn't they?"

"Yes they did," said Hermione seriously. "Although I can't help thinking that the crash was partly our fault, after we destroyed the bank with a dragon and exposed it to wizard fraud."

"Honestly Hermione," said Harry angrily. "You're as bad as those people who say Hogwarts should pay for the wizard recession because its teachers, students and governors were responsible for most of the damage."

They spent the rest of the journey in the silence of two people with differing political outlooks. Finally they arrived at Kings Cross Station and walked through a wall without anyone noticing. Standing around on the platform were all their school friends.

"Hello Harry, Hermione," said Luna Lovegood. "Have you heard? Mr Clegg and Mr Cameronius have privatised the Hogwarts Express because they say the wizarding deficit needs to be slashed. Anyway, it's forty-seven minutes late and they're charging us for it now. Apparently it's not cost-effective to run a wizard train for free."

"I don't understand", said Neville Longbottom stupidly. "We're wizards after all. Why didn't the Ministry of Magic just magic more money into the air instead of taxing us all?"

"They tried that, Neville", said Hermione, looking up over the top of one of her many academic books that she read for pleasure. "It's called wanditative easing, because it's done with wands.

"I don't know what this year will bring," said Harry. "But I know one thing that we've got that no wizard taxes can take away from us. We've got friends."

"Oh shut up Harry," said Hermione, slamming her book shut as the train drew slowly up to the platform. "We're all sick of that nauseating rubbish. Either stop going on about friendships or sit on your own."

They got on the train glumly, and as it drew away Harry looked out of the window, wondering what marvels the next year would bring.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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