Written by j.w.

Sunday, 13 February 2011

image for The Shame of Eton
Big Elephant Vision

A grim Headmaster, followed by his staff walked into the school assembly and went onto the stage so they could look down on the uneasy crowd of boys beneath them.

'Someone has been lying and no one will leave this room until I find out who it was' brayed the Headmaster.


'Come on I know who you are. You just have to have the guts to admit it!'

'It could be me, Sir' piped a frightened voice.

'Clegg, we already know about your lies. This is something new. Now I want the person responsible to own up.'

'It could be me, sir' blurted a tearful Osborne in terror.

'Stop snivelling Osborne. It is not you this time.'

'I could be me' suggested Flash Cameron.

'Yes Cameron. It could be you. It is you. Lying again about your visions. Do we need a psychiatrist for you?'

'No Sir. I saw this vision of a Big Elephant.'

'Nonsense. There are no Big Elephants. This is a fantasy so we fail to see the emptyness of your head, Cameron.'

'Yes sir.'

'I've warned you before not to tell these lies. I warn you, Cameron, if you go on like this you will end up in Public Relations. You will bring shame on Eton and your whole family. I will hear no more of these Big Elephant visions.'

'It was last term's fault' shouted Cameron 'they left this elephant in the toilets.'

Chorus 'It was last term's fault', It was last term's fault IT WAS LAST TERM'S FAULT.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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