Audley Harrison to continue fight against violent aggression

Funny story written by Deafo

Wednesday, 1 December 2010

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One punch, one glove

Heavyweight Audley Harrison has pledged to continue to take a stand against violent aggression by continuing his boxing career.

The 39-year-old has recovered from being donkey punched by the mass media after being stopped in the third round of his world title fight with David Haye in Manchester on 13 November, having thrown a solitary punch that got so lonely, it needed counseling.

Harrison said, 'After spending some time away reflecting on the fight, I have made the decision to fight against violent aggression in this country by putting myself up to be knocked out in a boxing ring at several locations across the country.'

'My message is clear. Don't stand up for yourself. In fact stand up as little as possible, and remember, the only thing you should be hitting through out all of this is the deck, and you hit it hard. I hit it like my mama used to hit me.'

Harrison added that he believed the referee ended the fight prematurely to prevent his message of non aggression being spread beyond the third round.

'I believe the referee, being the closest, read the message I was sending out to everyone, and he subdued it by calling an end to my address. My right to free speech was violated like a puppy dog being used to rehabilitate sex offenders before their release.'

'I was fighting two fights in there, and I lost the both of them, for the good of this country.'

Promoter Barry Hearn said this made a mockery of the sport.

'We don't want sure fire losers to go in there and throw one punch. We want sure fire losers who throw plenty more than that.'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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