Written by Abel Rodriguez

Thursday, 3 February 2011


The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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image for Chinatown's Latest Fortune Cookie Messages
Employees of The Fortunate Sun Fortune Cookie Company of Chinatown on their way to work. (Photo courtesy of Jackie Chan).

The Fortunate Sun Fortune Cookie Company of Chinatown, in honor of The Chinese New Year, has just released its latest fortune cookie messages for 2011.

Hu Hu How, chief fortune cookie message writer, was born and raised in China. He attended the prestigious Chopsticks University in Shanghai where he met and married Suzi Yo Fung Chin, heiress to the Republican Rickshaw Company of Peking, China.

Before Mr. How came to America he was the senior executive painter in charge of painting over all of the graffiti that vandals, hoodlums, and Iraqi tourists would spray paint on The Great Wall of China.

Hu Hu How's Latest Fortune Cookie Messages -

  1. You no vote for Sarah Palin in 2012 - Snow woman crazy like North Korean cuckoo clock
  2. One can lead horse to water but one cannot make chicken do sit ups in pouring rain
  3. Remember real reason why hummingbird hum is because it too damn lazy to remember words
  4. Heidi Klum is a pretty woman - Rosie O'Donnell not so pretty by damn friggin longshot.
  5. Unmarried woman baker who nag always end up a very lonely donut
  6. Man who put live lobster in underwear gonna lose all sense and desire of vavavooming
  7. Laughter may be good medicine but it won't make hives on tits go away
  8. A rolling stone gathers no moss but who the heck wants moss anyway?
  9. Do not ever pet skunk even if you think its pretty like Paris Hilton's hooters.
  10. If it looks like a dragon, walks like a dragon, and barks like a dragon, chances are pretty damn effen good that the sumbitch is not a duck.

Fortune cookies produced by The Fortunate Sun Fortune Cookie Company of Chinatown each contain minus 1 calorie.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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