Written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 19 September 2008

image for Confucius (China's Original Punster)
Home of Confucius and The 2008 XXIX Summer Olympics

Confucius one of the greatest Chinese thinkers and social philosphers of all time had literally thousands of sayings. One of his better known is "The man who moves a mountain begins by carrying small stones."

Noted Australian writer and famed koala bear breeder Panpandie Birdwood-Boongala has written a book on Confucius entitled 'Hardly Known and Pretty Much Almost Forgotten Sayings by The Chinese Master Known as Confucius.'

Some of the sayings found in the book include: "Confucius say never, ever under any circumstances pet an adult aligator no matter how nice and friendly he may seem," "Confucius say do not ever tell a woman that she forgot to shave one of her legs, even if she did," and (for male teens) "Confucius say do not stick fruit, such as apples, pomegranates, guavas, mandarin oranges, papayas, bananas, apricots, or mangoes in your ears in order to impress a young impressionable girl."

Birdwood-Boongala, who is married to Melbourne's popular televison weatherman Billy 'Wind Chill Factor' Boongala, was asked by her next-door neighbor (Prudie, 53) which one of the countless thousands of Confucius' sayings was her favorite and she replied, "Well Prudie pie that is a hard one for sure, but if I had to pick one, I guess I would have to pick the one that was Confucius' favorite one as well:" "Confucius say pay no attention to horoscopes for they will most probably tend to only make you nervous, sad, ambivalent, edgy, sleepy, disappointed, enigmatic, insecure, or hungry. However, if you must read something factual, go to a Chinese restaurant or store and buy a bag of fortune cookies."

(AUTHOR'S NOTE: I would like to thank Jolene 'Fast Fingers' Honeycutt for providing the more than 691 illustrations [19 of them in color] that graced my fourth book in a series of nine books on Confucius, an individual who is still regarded by many as the greatest Chinese man of all time).

(EDITOR'S NOTE: Of course Yao Ming of the NBA's Houston Rockets basketball team is a very close second and he is definitely gaining fast).

(YE LI'S 'MRS. YAO MING'S' NOTE: One of the most popular radio stations in northern China, station WICE 107.7, affectionatley known as 'The Inner Mongolian Big Bad Sexy Mama Chopstick' recently polled it's listening audience [nearly 1.3 billion listeners] and they voted Yao Ming as more popular than Confucius by a vote of 649,582,788 to 649,517,212. So as you can clearly see my hubby Yao 'The Great Wall of China' Ming has already surpassed 'Connie' in overall popularity, not to mention height, weight, and money).

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
79 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more