Written by matwil

Monday, 11 January 2010

image for New Bin Laden message
'Hayulp, hayulp! It's Osama the wolf!'

Osama Bin Laden, a family friend of the Bush family and one who lived in the USA for many years, and took cocaine with George W. Bush and dated hostesses there, today released his latest evil message from a cave in Outer Moronicamericanistan.

'People of the West', he said, in a suitable Hollywood 'bad beardy guy' accent, 'I will destroy you all! Only little children would believe in this message, i.e. 250 million cretins in the USA. You thought the CIA arranged 9/11? It did. You thought the British government arranged 7/7? Duh!'

And sharpening up his Giorgio Armani cutlass, he continued: 'Moronic Americans who have never even read The Koran think real Muslims would mass-murder their way across the planet, when the number one message of Islam is to obey the commandments. Such as: you shall not kill.'

'And there are millions of Muslims in America who are as patriotic as any other Americans. But when the Bush family invents a cartoon hate figure to blame all that has gone wrong with America - when it was the Bush family that has made everything that has gone wrong with America happen - Americans actually believe it if it's on TV news.'

'No wonder I'm sitting here laughing! I have my millions of dollars, the Bush family makes sure I am protected at all times, and my investments in CNN and ABC are going up very nicely.'

'But now, people of the West - and South-West, plus the edge of the East-South-East - it is now time to do my Blackbeard the Pirate impersonation that only 10-year olds outside of America will believe in. So - I will destroy your cities and towns, I will steal all of your treasure and women for my own pleasure, I will crush you all and make you scared to go to sleep at night without your feeble flag! Mwahahahahaha, MWAHAHAHAHAHA!'

His friend George W. Bush - the moron's moron drug -addicted alcoholic imbecile, but also the 43rd. President of the USA - said: 'We sure had fun when Osama bin Snortin' was around Texamas, I tells ya!'

'One day we was sniffin' up the powder like a vacuous cleaner with a whiskeyholic problem, the next we was all religimous and a-talkin' about destroying the evil and decambert West, but all in the name of conning the Bible Belters out of their taxalation. No wonder Omaha has gone to live in a cave, it was to get away from the dumbest country in the next world, the United Mistakes of Amoronica.'

[Disclaimer: We would just like to point out that continually portraying the USA as a nation of 250 million crybabies with no brains or ability at doing anything at all except for believing everything they're told on TV like little children does not represent the views of 98% of the world's population. Oops ...]

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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