Quotes From The Friends, Ex-Wives, and Enemies of Rush Limbaugh

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Sunday, 8 August 2010


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image for Quotes From The Friends, Ex-Wives, and Enemies of Rush Limbaugh
Rush Limbaugh's hair stylist Mr. VavaVoom reading his latest book on quotes.

Rush Hudson Limbaugh, III, 59, has just published a follow up book to his 2009, best seller, Quotes From The Book of Limbaugh.

The noted radio host, political commentator, author, television personality, and well known GOP mouthpiece loves being in the spotlight even more than he loves sucking on 10-inch cigars.

Limbaugh is one of those unique national personalities who is either loved or hated. He has stated many times that he never takes anything personal unless of course it is presented in a personal manner.

He says that he has a pet dog named GOPuppy and about 200 guppies.

His latest foray into the idealistic world of published publishment is entitled...


SEAN HANNITY: I tell ya what. I absolutely love the man. I don't care what anybody says. He and I are not gay. And if he was a woman I would gladly kiss him on the lips and I would probably even go as far as fondling his big old ugly-looking tata's (tits).

SENATOR JOHN McCAIN: Rush did I ever mention that I spent five and a half years in a North Vietnamese POW prison camp?

BILL MAHER: To paraphrase the great Will Rogers, El Rusho never met a pharmacist he did not like.

SARAH PALIN: Knowing his penchant for smoking big old 10-inch cigars, I'd like to fix him up a plate of chicken fried reindeer peckers.

MEL GIBSON: I kinda think that I may have gotten all of my bad temper from listening to Rush's show too much.

ROXY McNEELY (His first ex-wife): The man was an arrogant, self-absorbed, know-it-all fatso.

MICHELLE SIXTA (His second ex-wife): The bastard was a self-absorbed, know-it-all, arrogant humongous son-of-a-bitchin' fatso.

MARTA FITSGERALD (His third ex-wife): The son-of-bitch was a know-it-all, arrogant, self-absorbed gigantic-assed talking head bastardized fatso.

RUSH LIMBAUGH: Do not listen to any of my three ex-wives. The trio of bitches were all paid to say all those horrible things about me by that California skank Nancy Pelosi

ANN COULTER: Rush asked me out once. But I turned him down. I told him that I do not date intellectual tubs of lard. Even if they are GOP intellectual tubs of lard. Hey a girl has to stick to her values.

YUCATAN MEXICO'S GREEN GUACAMOLE DRUG CARTEL: Meester Leemball he ease a berry berry good customer.

MICHELLE OBAMA: Da white trash, honky, cracker said that I was black. Well lemmy sey dis about dat. No one calls me black septin fa my main man Barry uh huh dat be right y'all.

OZZY OSBOURNE: Ahhh...let me see now...Rus...h. Lim...baugh. Hmmm...I daaa kaaa ahhh and yaaa faaa la la la la. Shaaaaaaronnnnnnn!

ANNA CHAPMAN: I spied him taking a leak in the alley behind his office building recently. And I can say without any reservation that 'Little Rush' could most definitely be friends with Jon "Mr. 3 Inches" Gosselin's 'Little Jon.'

KU KLUX KLAN: Rush wanted to join our organization so bad but we had to turn him down. We just ain't got hoods and robes in size extra, extra super large.

SIDENOTE: Limbaugh will be at The Friends of The Filthy Rich Bookstore in Long Island, New York. He will be autographing copies of his latest book but only for Republicans. Limbaugh has insisted that Democrats not be allowed in the bookstore until he leaves.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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