Long-elastic-curved Carrot

Funny story written by walter

Sunday, 23 May 2010


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

We have all probably heard the news announced by J. Craig Venter Institute, May 20, ‎‎2010, on creation of the first synthetic cell. ‎

Looks like Frankenstein, a novel by Mary Shelley, is taking a new evolutionally turn. Of ‎course, we do admire the robots which can defuse road bombs, and, if the system is ‎running short of dead bodies as fake drivers of vehicles employed in suicide bombing, ‎they can use live robots as substitutes; therefore, it is time for the new live robots to play ‎their precious role in the warfare of the future. ‎

When times arrives for showdown, we have the well-armed synthetic self-sufficient ‎airborne paratroopers of the supper powers on one side, and the nuclear-armed troops ‎of the occult leaders of the Middle East who are determined to push back their own ‎nations to stone-age era, on the other side. Exceptions are those who can pack up and ‎transfer immense amount of stolen public money and move to safe havens such as ‎Canada, US, Bermuda, etc. ‎

Actually, J. Craig is one step behind here, as the despots, who strongly believe in ‎mysticism, for centuries have practiced raping females and then removing the newborn ‎bastard infants from their biological mothers to be raised as brainwashed ruthless ‎warriers!‎

Anyway, it would be interesting to imagine what would happen when both armies of live ‎robots and bastards meet face-to-face.‎

Despots' mentality, naturally, pivots around spoils of war as well as prisoners of war, and ‎above all taking female hostages. They have expertly used hostages as a pawn to put ‎across their demands.‎

Anyway, when the leader of the occult system smells of sex, a sacred tradition among ‎them, he gets very excited and pricks up his ears. Then he anxiously inquires about any ‎worthwhile prisoner, when he is told of capturing a unicorn type of a bisexual soldier of ‎the faithless army.

He is further told that the captured guy has got a ‎handsome frontal female sexual organ and a hidden male organ retreated deep in his ‎rectum which resemble a long-elastic-curved carrot that can reach his/her own frontal ‎organ and achieve full sexual satisfaction, an instance of advanced self-sufficiency for ‎the armies of the future. ‎

Now, the astonished white-bearded despot looks really dumb and numb. After finding his ‎tongue, he summons his personal physician who advises him as follows:‎

My lord, this is a unique opportunity. You should not hesitate a moment to ‎experience the occasion, as this is a gift bestowed upon you by the Almighty. I ‎can assure you of unforgettable immense pleasure you get from this practice ‎because when you engage in coition, the invisible semi-circular carrot keeps ‎searching for a cavity. In this case, your bare buttocks will be the first place to ‎examine, and while you are frontally engaged with the live synthesized robot, ‎this carrot, after properly lodging itself, begins stimulating you in an ‎unprecedented manner!‎

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more