Ozzie talks about results of Speech Therapy with Becks

Funny story written by Lady Godiva

Saturday, 13 March 2010


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Ozzie Osbourne was interviewed earlier today about his progress on his speech therapy classes with David Beckham.

"Well, I'm f****ing well giving up," began Ozzie, "It's a f***ing waste of my time. I've f****ing tried everything to 'elp 'im. Becks isn't moving forward. In fact, as far as I can see the **** is going f****ing backwards.

I've been trying to 'elp 'im - 'ang on a sec...........SHARON....SHARON....WHERE ARE MY F****ING BURRITOS? I 'AD A F****ING DRAWERFUL AN' NOW THE DRAWER IS F***ing EMPTY SHARON. SHARON ????......Sorry 'bout that. OK. Oh yeah. Well Becks came 'ere an' I couldn't even figure out wo' everyone was worrying about. I could understand the **** perfect like.

Any'ow. I did spend a lo' o' time with 'im, but now,I can't understand a f****ing word 'e says. 'E sounds like a bloody recovering drug addict.

Also, e's started using the 'F' word too much. I can't under-f***ing-stand why!!!!! I never use foul language myself. All I can think is that 'es been spending too much time with Sharon.

SHARON!!!! SHARON!!! WHAT THE F**k. Yer bloody dog's just shit on my shoe. Christ Sharon, what's up with you? I'm trying to do a f****ing interview 'ere and your dogs are pissing all over the f****ing place.Sorry about that. Beck's....Oh yeah. Becks seems 'appy enough but e's the only one.

'Is family says they're disappointed with ME. Who the f**k do THEY think they are? I'm much richer than they are and more famous too. I 'ave big 'ouses and cars that I can talk to and the cars do wo' I tell 'em. Well, they would if they could understand me. F****ing American cars. 'Ow the 'ell do they expect ME to talk like THEM?

SHARON!!! SHARON!!! JESUS! Sorry, gotta go, I'm having a burrito withdrawal. I bet it was that **** Becks who nicked all my f***ing burritos.

I'll tell you something. Last I 'eard, Becks was going to approach that puffter Graham Norton for lessons. I didn't bother to ask him wo' kinda lessons coz it's none of my f****ing business is it? SHARON !!!! SHARON!!!! WHERE THE F**K ARE YOU?? THERE'S KID CALLED 'JACK' ON THE F***ING PHONE. WHO THE F**K IS JACK? "

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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