Washington DC: Congress and the president appear unable do anything about important issues such as the economy and jobs, thus requiring concentration on things that have little or no impact on most Americans. New legislation will allow the federal government to regulate thrill seeker activities, as follows:
Skiing: Required to have parachutes in the ski boots and front and rear air bags
Light Off-The-Road Vehicles: Seat belts required, as well as front and rear air bags
Mountain Bicycling: Same as light off-the-road vehicles
Sky Diving: Bunge chords required equal in length to the altitude of the aircraft minus 50 feet
Para Sailing: Same as sky diving, including parachutes
Hang Gliding: Same as sky diving, including parachutes
Mountain Climbing/Repelling and Bunge Jumping: Same as skiing (bubble wrap optional)
Cliff Diving into Lakes: Same as skiing, no parachutes (excludes muff diving)
Water Skiing: Seat belts required and front and rear air bags
The federal government takes no responsibility for the extra weight of equipment causing reduced fuel economy, lack of flight or additional hazards produced by the mandated safety features. Additionally, all these activities are now excluded from any health care reform coverage.
