Vegetarian discovers benefits of GM crops

Funny story written by Helen Tarnation

Wednesday, 28 October 2009

The old adage, "you are what you eat", has a great deal of meaning for Corinna Mill, of Spurrfeld, Ore. In fact, this 98-years-young vegetarian credits her longevity to insisting on eating nothing but Genetically Modified (GM) food.

GM food is made from crops which have DNA engineered to give them special attributes which farmers have been seeking ever since the 1940s.

"Since I have been eating nothing but GM food", she says, with a twinkle in her eye, "my health has improved dramatically!"

GM crops are resistant to herbicides, and also naturally protect themselves against biting insects.

"I am now resistant to chemical herbicides," Corinna boasts. She has recently moved out of a nursing home, purchased a house, and begun growing a garden with nothing but GM vegetables. As a bonus, she says, she can shop for vegetables at her local grocery store and ignore the 'organic' offerings that are priced at four to five times as much.

"I'm chemical-resistant", she says, "so I don't need to buy that organic [expletive, rhymes with 'grit']." Corinna is, indeed, quite feisty.

"I am also insect-resistant", she adds, "so while I am enjoying an evening in my backyard in the middle of summer, all my neighbors are cowering indoors, or else burning nasty-smelling candles or coating themselves with anti-insect chemicals that don't work."

Even at her age, Corinna is looking forward to more innovations in GM crops.

"It's all been good for me", she says, "and I'm going to out-live that idiot organic-eating nephew and his family, who keep thinking they'll get this place when I croak. That whole family is always getting the howling squitters, and the worm-apple trots, all the time."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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