At cinemas across the world today, 'The Great Escape' opened to rave reviews and huge box office receipts. The movie stars Benjamin Netanyahu, and is about a massive and daring escape from a huge prisoner of war camp in the Middle East, 'Gaza 17'.
The camp is controlled by fanatical Nazionists, who have surrounded it with miles of barbed wire and land mines, and occasionally use it as target practice for their jets and tanks, and cut off its water supply, so one day the prisoners formed an escape committee, and secretly met in a bombed-out elementary school.
'We gotta get out of this place', canteen cook Eric Burdon said, and prisoners' English teacher Mr Chips suggested a mass breakout. 'If we get children in front of us', he suggested, 'then the Nazionists will let us out, as they're honorable soldiers, and wouldn't shoot children. Order more children's coffins, though, Sergeant, as we're down to our last five thousand.'
But Netanyahu had a better idea. 'Let's build a tunnel, and then sneak out safely at night. We'll get our tailors to make up civilian clothes - ones that aren't the rags that the guards allow us to wear - and I'll write out escape maps for each and every one of us.'
'Just think, men, this time next week we could be eating pizzas and drinking cold beer in Egypt! And our children could be in safety, and no longer scared of jet fighters and tanks!', and to cheers from the rest of the committee the prisoners went to start digging the tunnel.
And after a few near things - such as when Nazionist tank shells landed close to the tunnel's entrance, though they were aimed at children playing in a small field, and when a Nazionist jet deliberately fired rockets at the prisoners' mosque to catch them at prayer - the tunnel was completed, and at dawn the prisoners escaped from Gaza 17. But before they went they ruthlessly dealt with the camp informants and traitors, the 'Hamas', who had helped the Nazionists build and run the camp.
Before the end of the film, in a dramatic scene Benjamin Netanyahu is trapped behind some barbed wire, and has to use his motorcycle to jump over the fence, but is captured by the prison guards.
'My name is Benjamin Netanyahu, my rank is Prime Minister, and my number is 666', he says, knowing very well the Geneva Convention on such things, but a Nazionist machine-guns him to death, laughing 'Paleschtinian schweinhund! We spit on the Geneva Convention!'
Then the movie ends sadly, as all but two of the escaped prisoners are captured and murdered in a field, after being deprived of food and water for two months.
'The Great Escape', coming to a movie house near you. Local cinema co-ordinates freely available from the UN, IDF, and USAF. Free shrapnel for every third child you bring along. Coffins not needed, excavating machines for hire. Diptheria, rickets, and burns for late night showings. Brought to you by Israeli Warkriminalz Inc.
'My grandmother didn't die for the Nazionists to create Gaza 17', said veteran English film critic Sir Gerald Kaufman.