Written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 10 December 2008

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image for Ten Things You Didn't Know About The QE2
Dive! Dive! Dive!

The RMS Queen Elizabeth 2, or QE2, has completed Her final voyage from Southampton to Dubai to become a floating hotel, but, in many ways, She is shrouded in mystery, a veritable undercover camel traipsing through the silent deserts of 'secrecy' on an errand to who-knows-where.

To commemorate Her final journey, and to celebrate what is arguably the most distinguished and well-loved battleship in Britain's fleet, here are ten things you probably didn't know about the QE2:

1. The QE2 is very much bigger than She actually looks; 4/5 is underwater

2. She can achieve an unbelievable top speed of 65 knots at Warp Factor 7

3. The vessel has an emergency power service - 4000 African slaves in leg-irons, who live below deck and paddle with oars

4. Ship's purser Arthur Gribbald was born onboard, and has never set foot on dry land

5. She is to become a floating hotel serving Full English Breakfast 24/7

6. The QE2 can be seen from the moon

7. The QE2 cannot be detroyed by human hands; Her only weakness would be rust

8. Can become a submersible, and submerge to a depth of 20 fathoms

9. Carries a nuclear bomb which can be detonated by captain to avoid capture by 'opposing forces'

10. A cup of tea in the cafeteria costs £18.50, and the bogs reek of piss

God Bless the QE2, and all who eat in Her!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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