How to Groom A Small Man

Written by Jesus Budda

Friday, 9 May 2008

image for How to Groom A Small Man
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The following article describes the procedure for grooming a small man and suggested techniques involved in a good, clean job. It is aimed at both beginners and experienced professionals.

Step 1: Find a small man. A large man will not do. I repeat - a large man (that is someone over the 5ft 2inch threshold) will not work. Good places to search are your local playground, park or orchard. Once you've found a suitable subject move on to step number 2.

Step 2: Gather your tools. A good plastic comb is essential. You can find these in buildings and at the back of stores. Old folks homes have plenty of these.

A double-sided mirror - one normal size, the other double magnification.

You'll also need a sturdy armchair to put your subject in. Warm it slightly by sitting in it for about 30 minutes and rubbing your bottom up and down. Add a little coconut/lavender oil to create a calming mood to the room.

Step 3: Find a nice, comfortable place to begin your work.The corner of a garage or an abandoned mine shaft are all perfect spots. If desperate you can hire a Motel room.

Step 4: Wet the subjects hair with the back of your tongue. Gentle sideways motion works well.

Use your left hand (or right hand if you are one-armed) to comb the strands over the top of the scalp. Repeat until all the hair is on one side of the head.

Step 5: Now is a good time to take a break. Make a cup of tea. Do not offer your subject one. Let them get their own. Make them work too!

Step 6: Get naked. Trust me, it works! But first blind- fold your subject. While they are disorientated comb all their hair to the other side really quickly.

Step 7: Invite your dog to join in. Wagging tails create interesting patterns and styles.

Step 8: Rub your chin and step back. Look at the job. Does it look balanced. Is their equilibrium? Could it need a bit more TLC?

If pleased, move onto final step.

Step 9: Remove the blindfold and release the small man back into the wild. Job well down. You can view a video of the completed style here (Quicktime .MOV format).

Tune in next week, when we will be doing a Turkish gang bang in 9 easy steps.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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